lOneliness__ 能不能给我一首歌的时间

2009-04-14T22:59:00.002+08:00

i've moved !

to
http://secret-lyme.livejournal.com/

Drop some comment or tag me in this blog ! =))
Enjoy !!!

2008-11-29T17:42:00.002+08:00

i guess its all over..
back to starting point..
i hate this feeling..

-ended-

im just like a fool.

Goodbye!

2008-10-25T10:06:00.003+08:00

no one noes wad we really are thinking.
we wanna be the miracle maker.
but the reality had knock us down.
listening to 'image me without you'
i miss you suddenly...
full of tots in my mind too.

problems i had.
negative thinking i had.
stubborn thinking i had.
feeling down.
misunderstanding by others?
hu can i pour to?
i told u.
but no response was from u.
no care-ness from u at all.
im so lost of words.
and i decide not to trouble u so much bout me.
cus ur reaction will only disappoint me.
so i chosen to lock my everything up.

u always tot i did not care bout ur feelings.
u always tot i did not stand in ur shoes n think.
u always tot im caring for myself only.
doesnt mean i kept quiet means i agreed to everything.
somethings doesnt need to be shown.
i always believe
if someone really understand u
they wont hold any suspicious or negative thinking on u.
if it is so,
take out n speak.
not hiding within urself.
ownself have ur thinkings
start thinking positive n assuming
when everything starts to turn bad
den brings out to talk
it will be too late by then.

some things im really tired to clarify.
some things im really tired to explain.
i may be in the wrong to keep dumb.
wad is the cause of this?
u should noe better den me isnt it?
even if i chosen to voice out?
wad will happen?
u wud say i did not care bout ur feelings
or u yourself will keep dumb.

its been a long time since i had this fear feeling
it came back once again
i tried hiding,
but my name is still called
'KE XIN !'
my heart pound fast...
wad am i suppose to do to escaspe this scary feeling from u?
i tried to ask someone for help.
i tried to voice out.
but to my surprised..
u dun care at all.

U wud only use ur thinkings on me
u wud only use ur strength on me
cant u just sit down n listen to me?
cant u?
will it be better to use ur force?
i dun understand.

i miss him ..

Please note: my post does NOT refer to one person only.

NO MIS-UNDERSTANDING please

2008-10-22T00:10:00.008+08:00

Douu`Bann - Just sitting beside

右手边 sang by 光良

静静地坐在你的身边

还会有多少这样的时间
我要迎着这窗外的光线

牢牢的记住你微笑的侧脸

我说了离别不会伤悲

这是我对你唯一的欺骗

因为我最喜欢你的双眼

那么美不适合掉眼泪

你要好好的去飞

不需要对我想念

我会默默地留下右手边的座位

有一天当你看过世界

再决定你降落的地点

而我也会继续地

奔驰在这长长的街

左手边是我的心

右手边没有谁

为了你

再寂寞我都可以成全

因为我相信

说过了再见

一定会再见

左手边 sang by 郭美美

风吹过蓝天

在下雨之间

云能飞多远

爱它偶尔很甜

偶尔也很咸

我已经体验

我们来回的悠闲

有一些已经不见

这些年 Oh

hey 你说的明天

是一种信念

还是封信件

对爱不是阴天

也不是明天

它好难分辨

可是我的心里面

有种感觉很特别

没人了解

我走在左边

你的左边

看得见幸福的平原

也许你并不会察觉

这就是我的无声的冒险

我走过晴天阴天或雨天

那几年就叫做永远

这一切消失之前

我会对自己说

我要永远

永远在你左手边

Finally.. there is song that really represent the both of us.
the Right & Left Hand.
i guess you must be wondering why am i so direct n heartless to actually voice out
GIVE UP
i've my reason.
我给你最后的疼爱是手放开
i know the harder we hold
the more miserable we will be
i noe the both of us are actually tired
i noe the both of us actually dunno wad we are supposed to do
just like u said
we cant go back to the past
its true
i didnt say it out easily
i noe eu are really xing ku
it pains me to see u far away from my side
it pains me to see u being the one to give in
i hate to see u hiding ur cries under ur blanket
i hate to see u hiding ur tears with ur big laughter n smile
i hate to see u act as if nothing happens!
i tot at least u would hold me back that night.
i tried to walk slower..
a little slower..
down the stairs...
no reaction from u..
and i noe.
u agreed too!
maybe having me as ur ahhdouu
the job is too stressful to u
so this ahhdouu is going to apply a no pay leave
is it granted?
i dunno when ill be back..
maybe after ur words to me?
maybe after u tell me
"please come back?"
maybe after some things?
i dunno..
i just miss u so...
Li Sheng Jie -手放开
seems really suit..
i hope u noe i chosen to do it this way is becos
i wish u can go further.

SMILE ... for the sweet and happy memories
FROWN ... for yesterday's unfortunate
GRIEVE ... for things that happened
MISS ...for the closeness before
RELIEVED ... for at least you did tried you best

must be surprised why i noe this phrase dedicated by Miss Lee Ahhbann?
yes! its ME !
i found it !
where did u placed it?
yes!
in #234 dustbin !
i kept it !
its really a good describe.

you may be thinking i tot im too unfortunate
or too pityful?
no... seriously no..
just like you said..
i dun understand you
you dun understand me.
and from that night.
i was shocked to see this true colours of you
you are too unfamiliar to me
you are so different
it shocks me alot.
your reaction.
your words.
your movement.
i tried to save it if you notice.
but u do it your way.

just wanted to tell you
its the first time i did not cried for our sistership
should i said im strong enuff?
or ...?
i actually hold back successfully in front of him.
its true im heart pain at least.
u always choose to kept quiet and
let nature take its course
so i chosen to step forward.

our sistership anniversary` 16o2o9 - do u still rmb ?
just wanted to say.
U are still my Lee Ahh Bann !
Not my Kelly Lee !
i dun like Kelly Lee at all!
wad i love the most is still
Ahh Bann Lee Xiao Wei !
You will always be!
Ahh Bann is a name i gave you
and i hope you would hold it forever
the 'Thanks for everything; Tops
The 'Xiang You Zou, Xiang Zuo Zo' Key Chains
the 'Ink' bag
the 'Letters'
The 'Photos'
The 'Army skirt'
the '10 paper boats'
the 'panty'
the Melody shirt'
the everything n everything..
Keeps well...
ill want to see it one day.
Smile Aplenty like YOU always were in the past
No faking is allowed !

You're unreplaceable .... <3

2008-10-10T01:45:00.001+08:00

Hey Kexin
How are you, Kexin
Kexin, Good Night!
Good Morning, Kexin
Hi Kexin.
Ke Xin, where are you.
----
all the 'Ke Xin' that is called
i felt so unfamiliar
hearing this name
it just seems so mo sheng
i dunno why
i just felt this name too unfamiliar
im not suiting this name anymore...
why wud i have this feel?
i dun understand..

2008-10-08T16:21:00.000+08:00

had a long chat with you - 2 hours
im more clearer with my road now
im more clear on wad to do now
the stubborn side of me
the changes of me from the past till now
the kind of sistership we are gaining for
the kind of sistership we are looking for
the negative thinking we had
the positive thinking we had
the 'standing in each other' shoes.
the words that makes each other turn dumb.
the hurtful feeling we gave each other
the small actions of us that brightens our days
the bit by bit 'jiayoous' we had for our friendship
finally we know
wad we had been doing is wrong coming with some right
finally we know
wad we are supposed to do on our next step
are we going to just stop laidat?
are we going to go on further?
are we going to ignore wad others say?
are we going to take more advice?
all i i noe is we are moving on~
finally i saw the light in our sister ship
i dunno when will the day comes that will makes us go back again
but i really wanna give last try
just once will do!
for our hard earn sistership
we are going to celebrate our anniversary for the following 10 - 20 years n so on.
Lets JIA YOOUS !! =)

Douu`Bann

2008-10-07T18:12:00.004+08:00

finally we got a chance to meet up and
talk talk talk
thanks for your care and concern
ride me to the nearest 7-eleven
back to my house nearby
ate the ice cream
drink the un-opened yakult
pour out my everything
im more better now
thanks for your ears.
eu nv failed to hear my worries
and still a really good friend - the most special one
did i hurt you in anywhere?
i hope not.
thanks to you - Mr Turtle!

2008-10-06T19:49:00.001+08:00

sometimes it feels no one understands
I don't even know why I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through?

im no longer the simple n innocent gal anymore.
i've go over my own limits.
Friends have to change their opinions towards me.
im no longer the old kexin.
but a changed person which i myself cant accept at all !
wad am i supposed to do?
im LOST !
really lost.
i seems to have stuck
i dunno which road should i go now.
everything is happening too fast.
i wish i cud go back.
but the fact is stopping me
there is full of bacteria within me which i cant face
have we ever think of the consequences?
i wish i cud hide from you.
i didnt noe why.
im just afraid to face you.
maybe facing you
you will remind me of what happen once again
facing her
i feel so much guilty
how will she feels when she came to noe about it?
i've let her down
really down
im disappointed in myself to have blind myself deeply

R E G R E T ~

LEAVE ME ALONE

2008-09-19T04:00:00.006+08:00

i understand im losing everything around me
but had anyone tried standing in my situation to think?
eu wud only assume n assume n assume
and im tired of explaining explaining n explaining
im losing..
hu really cares?
there is never forever love,
no forever friends,
no forever enemies..
true uh?
i started believing too.
eu may say im the one hu cause all this to happens
i've no rights to say no.
i've nothing to say too.
i decide not to explain myself
wad should i say is..
eu dun understand me well..
i dun understand eu too...

everything will be over soon...

S M I L E ..

2008-09-11T03:56:00.003+08:00

The first 20 list is OUT !!! =))

1. Zhi Hao
2. Kok Wah
3. Kok Soon
4. Serena
5. Yan Ping
6. Lester
7. Cash
8. Ke Jing
9. Fanaa
10. Kai Sin
11. Ju Yee
12. Xin Yee
13. Mummy
14. Ah yi
15. Divana
16. Kent
17. Alvin
18. Ahh Bann
19. Wei Yan
20. Eric

so, which number are you? are you on the list. hahaas. =))
anyway, thanks for the wishes everyone !! Loves eu all lahhs .

2008-08-27T22:28:00.001+08:00

hahaas. counting down to my birthday...
going to turn 19 lor !!! Yeahhs~ =))
hu will be the first 20 to wish me lehhs?
hahaas. ill tell eu in my next post .
hope urs do turn out in the first 20 list yar? =))

Loves to me !!! <3

2008-08-27T01:21:00.002+08:00

met up with alica today.
shopping at tampines mall.
hahaas. Ladies day.
seems very long nv see her le.
Missing her.
Chatted alot.
chat bout lifes,future husband/boyfriends,guys,friends,
just anything lar.
she asked wad, den i answered wad.
i asked wad, she oso answered wad.
LOLs.
Gotta noe a great news from her too.
Her baby is a GIRL !
wow! im the god-mother alrights.
hahaas. i have daughter liao lor.
saw the scanning pic.
wee~ CUTE lar !
bot 3 baby clothes for my tiny baby girl which is coming out next year.
hmms.... hahaas.
when will we meet up again lehhs? =)

well~ for my M'sia trip..
hmms....
was tiring lar.
travel n visit, travel n visit.
didnt get to shop at all lor!!! >.<
learn quite alot of things during this trip too.
i saw a better view of
kin-ship, relationship and friendship.
cousins one by one getting married.
some married to a useless husband but won families
some married to a good husband but lose familes.
was kinda heartache actually.
some poor families may seems poor,
but their simple life makes them happy.
having dinner with them under the kampong house
got jia de wen nuan
the laughter n everything
although i dun understand wad they are talking about (Tamil language)
but i can feel the warm lar. =)
found my 'long-lost sister'.
was so so... happy lar.
took foto with her n gave her a big hug
and i cried
maybe its been years since i saw her.
if im not wrong the last time i saw her is when im 5 years old.
now, she n i had grown up.
and wad susprised me is she is married.
but ... hearing her story was.... heart pain lar...
Sigh!
Alot more to go... better to say lar...
write like got alot lehhs.
Ah ha!
got take a couple of pics. will post it when i got all the photos
and provided i have the time laaaaaaaa.......... =))
LOLs.

everything will goes on smoothly..

S M I L E ^^v

2008-08-27T00:30:00.002+08:00

Ramdoms _____

It's so hard to act so indifferent
as if it doesn't hurt
as if it doesn't matter
as if it no longer ache
as if it no longer bleeds

the wedding is just another ceremony
the vows is just some other wordings
the love is just another feeling
and what's left is just memories

A photo is still a photo
what's left is just memories
you don't feel the pain,
you don't feel the happiness
it only protrays what's been captured at the very moment
and the sad thing is, it's only momentary it doesn't last
or rather, nothing last forever

You can never ever feel the pain , deep down
Letting go, is just another form of happiness

2008-08-20T03:58:00.002+08:00

everything started to change.
everyone started to change.
hu really remains the same?
hu is the culprit to destroy everything?
hu is the culprit to hurts everything?
everything is gone ..

2008-08-03T20:18:00.003+08:00

i noe im a substitute.
im actualy someone eu feel like having fun with only.
im actually a burden to eu.
now den i noe eu are using me all along.
have eu ever really care for me?
have eu ever care for my feelings?
eu noe ill get upset after that but
eu are still doing it to me.
i tot at least im ur loved partner
but i was wrong!
Totally wrong!
its OK!
ill take things easy.
i hope eu would bother me no more
ill not bother eu too.
i wont let nature take its course
but to stop all the doings n feelings n care
i had towards eu
eu are just cheating me!
Stop taking advantage of me
Live ur life!
eu seems to be a two face person.
is it?
ur actions to me seems so.
im going to stop everything
everything will be over.
i cant stand anymore!
im sorry for my harsh words.
im just voicing out my unhappiness
Pardon me!
Dun ask me hu am i refering to.
Eu shud noe it clearly urself!
im not going to treat eu differently
ill still treat eu the same i used to be
i wont be too obvious towards eu.

just as i said in my very previous post.
eu will be gone soon
and yes
indeed its true
why is it happening not the way i want to be?

its really complicated now.
too complicated.

Arghhs!

this few days had been thinking of him
i dun understand why either
he just came in
thinking of the days we first met
shaking hands
eye contact
and everything
yes! im missing him suddenly.
Sigh!
whats going on in me!

2008-07-26T02:41:00.003+08:00

is it true that money can change everyone's attitude?
is it true that money can win over relationship, friendship or kinship?
to me, its NO !
but why the things that is happening around like telling me the answer is YES?
is money really that important?

im lazy to blog liaoos lahhs. Nights !

Sigh!! =((

2008-07-24T06:03:00.002+08:00

Went Vivo City and done it with Panda

before editing ... =)) CUTE !!!

After editing... NICE !!! =D

Mickey n Minnie 's POSTER !!!

2008-07-22T01:50:00.005+08:00

Ramdom Pics. =)

Nana bot me this Mushroom Shoe!

Isn't it CUTE? !!! I LOVE it man!

Nana n me. Bao Beii !!! LOVEs!

Taking during Min's B'dae
Ping n Min

Ping n Xian Hao
Ahhbann n Ping

2008-07-19T03:06:00.007+08:00

went check up a few days back.
nothing serious at all. - phew~
Low blood pressure
heart not beating regurlarly
overall is OKs! =))
Thanks God!

Gotta noe this shocking news from my sis.
my DAD is coming back!
Oh my god!
heart attack man!
im not saying i dun wish him to come back
but is becos my Motor Lesson hasnt update AT ALL !!!
oh my god!
how am i going to answer my dad.
i sure kena scold until very jialat if he comes to noe bout this.
den confirm will push me to quit my job once again!
Arghhs~

the obstacles infront of me is too tough!
i can hardly breathe!
i dunno where my stand are.
i dunno where am i now
i seems to be stuck in the middle of the road being horn by alot of cars
im scared of the horns
i dunno which way to go
im seriously lost
can someone please give me a hand?

im glad i hold back my tears once again
but...
my heart is aching ..

the questions eu asked me
i admit i turn dumb
im really v frustrated
i dunno which step shud i go without hurting anyone
did i do anything wrong?
what really goes wrong?
i dun understand!
can i choose to go back to the starting point?

everything is happening too fast!
everyone's actions towards this situation is weird
i dunno how to react
so i chosen to carry a smile to hide over everything
is this the correct way?

hey people!
cud eu please stop forcing me to do this n that?!
im really confused by ur words to me!
can i just be a normal me?
can eu just stop pressing me?
can i be myself?
can i just be a simple kexin?

ur steps to me gives me me a lot of weight
can i throw away some?
i cant hold or accept at all!
im worried!
im scared!
im fear!
im LOST!
im being controlled by eu!
cud eu just let me be myself freely?
can i?

i appreciated the things eu had done for me!
Yes! i did said 'Wu Liao~' !
but.. do eu think thats wad i really felt?
how am i going to react?
eu are good to me.
i know!
Arghhs~
forget it!
at least i know eu dun understand me AT ALL !!!
take it as i dun give a damn!
take it as im taking everything for granted!
take it as im just a idiot!
Just get LOST !!!
i hate myself thoroughly!!!
i dun even feel like explaining!
just continue ur misuderstanding!
im sick of it!

2008-07-17T06:02:00.004+08:00

Ramdom Pics Taken in June.

Opps! i noe its too Late. =x

Me, Lip Teng , Na Na - Twist

Chi Ho, ME, Lip Teng - Cheese*

GateWay Mates - Office or Class Photo? =x

More Pics coming soon.....
Wait wait wait
Wait Long Long ~

2008-07-17T05:00:00.004+08:00

im suddenly so LOST !
i need someone to guide me through...
i seems to have handle my things in an unproper ways
will it hurts someone in the end?
or its actually inevitable?
i duno!
i seriously HATE hurting people
this isnt wad i want!
my simple wish is just to see people around me be HAPPY
will it be grant?

in the past
i used to have a guardian angel - xian hao
does it still exist ?
can i still call eu anytime i like?
can i still chit chat with eu below my house till im running late for work?
can i still play tennis with eu?
can i still eat ajisen with eu?
can i still have my breakfast together in my house with eu?
can i still meet eu up for shopping?
can i still go to eu when im down?
can i still go cycling with eu?
can i still ... ...?
izzit still available?
somehow i feel we are drifting apart le...
Yes! eu are the friend that understands me most.
eu are the only one that can stand my attitude
eu are the only one that i had choose to TRUST
eu are the only one that will rush down all the way immediately to find me when im troubled
eu are the only one that will get worried for me in ANYTHING
i duno why...
i suddenly feel...
eu are leaving me soon..
or im leaving eu?
am i thinking too much?
or indeed eu are leaving?
did somethings go wrong somewhere? im LOST !

Men is a selfish creatures.

they wud only like to take possession of wad they like

but nv think of how the other party feel

or the consequences.

Or ... Only some of them?

-saw this line from a drama, seems quite true. isnt it?

im sorry to say im hiding something from eu!
im sorry to say the time isnt ripe to say yet!
maybe ...
i dunno...

am i ready?
or not?
the past scar in me had not left yet
im still scared!
im still not trusting ur words to me
i started to suspect too
i cant bring myself to commit thoroughly - im sorry
the hurts in me is really too much..
Yes! im strong enuff to withold the pain before
but it takes me a long long time..
do eu think the hurts had gone?
NO! for sure i can tell eu, it hadnt gone!
or i shud said the hurts had turn into hatred
and the trust for guys is NO MORE ?

the day i Lost him - 21 March 2008
i tot i wud not fall in love again
i tot i wud wait for him
i tot i wud make him love me once again
i tot after all i had done, he wud at least turn back
i tot after him, there wont be the next one
i tot without him, my life will be totally black n white
i tot without him, i cant go on
Now...
thinking of it..
i shud say i find myself foolish..
or i shud say at least i learn to fall down n stand up again?
i admit at least im strong enuff to go through all this alone
im gonna swear to myself,
ill treat myself more better den anyone else
i wont let anyone beat me down
i wont get hurts by anyone
i will be strong!
i will be independent!

Live For Yourself !
Smile For Yourself !
Love For Yourself !
Care For Yourself ! - Kexin =))

2008-07-15T00:09:00.007+08:00

indeed i have to say eu are an irritating fella !
can eu please at least grow up?
eu are not young anymore
stop all those childish thinking alrights?
having those unlucky things happening around eu
it was only the cause of eu
not ME hu cause it!
cud eu please wake up?
knock knock!
bang the wall please!
stop going around telling people
ur unlucky days are the cause of me
when actually i DIN do anything!
eu are really a "GOOD" guy man!
in front of me telling me how nice of me to do this n that
den behind me complain this n that
excuse me
did i block ur way?
or izzit i owe eu
yar! please!
Get LOST !
i dun even noe why i get to noe eu
its really a WASTE of my time
looking at ur SMSes
noeing ur news
or wadeva
anyway, im not going to WASTE any more of my time
or feelings on eu
thats too pathetic!

CONGRATS to ALICA n WEN KANG ! =))
ROM - 12 July
im really very happy for them lohhs
n i can say wen kang is indeed a great guy for taking the responsible.
Alica must stay happy always n must be xing fu oh!
i gave them a susprised when they check in into my hotel
they appreciated it
and i find my susprised for them so sweet
somehow i wish to get married soon lohhs.
hmms... sweet as honey..... so swit ~ LOVES !! <3

went out with xian hao on 1o July
to Bugis den walk to suntec have our dinner
we ate pepper lunch!
Wow! first the meal is so Yummy..
but... eat until cold liao not nice liao lohhs..
we dedicate song for each other.
but wait too long lahhs.
den missed the song xian hao dedicate for me
den when the song i dedicate had played
we din notice at all
till played until half way den notice lohhs
den in the end
xian hao dedicate again
den we find a place seat down chit chat n
wait wait wait lohhs... =))
LOLs
On our way home,
xian hao told me,
'im v worried bout eu'
well~ i can understand he is worried
ill get hurts once again
that is why he is so protective towards me
Thanks Xian Hao - Mr Turtle ! =))

Sigh! talk bout me now...
Recently din have a good sleep at all lohhs
been having headache lately
dun really have much appetite
wad happen?!
cause of this is THINK TOO MUCh? !
hahaas
i dunno oso. LOLs.
Well! im KEXIN mahhs.
im strong de OK! ill be FINE de lohhs =))

2008-07-13T22:07:00.002+08:00

why do people only care bout how they are feeling?
have we ever thought of standing in other people's shoes?
why do people always never treasure the things that is around us,
den when the things had gone,
we would start to complained
or said the person had changed, etc?

i dunno izzit im standing in ur shoes.
but seriously i can feel the pain eu are enduring.
i so much wish to help out.
but i dunno where to start.
Maybe...
just act as normal as i can
and chat normally
n treat as if nothing really did happened.
izzit better this way?
i so much wish to say NO to her!
but it seems too hard.
am i helping eu or
i dun wanna see another crybaby?

i really wish to STOP hearing anything from eu!
eu can really affect my mood.
Cud eu stop harrassing into my life?
STOP all the sms-ing or talk to me.
i dun want to have ANYTHING to do with eu.
even a simple wishes,
i DUN WAN too!
i really hope i dunno eu AT ALL !

Yes! the fear feeling is back again.
i thought after hidden it,
it will gone.
but i was wrong.
how come?
i thought after making the first move
to talk to eu,
voice out to eu,
shared with eu,
i wud at least overcome
the fearful-ness eu gave me.
But NO!
it did not went away,
but actually come back as n when it likes.
sometimes i feel like avoiding,
but its too obvious.
is it because eu are too scary?
or ur actions shocks me too much?
are eu supposed to treat me laidat?
or becos eu find that im an easy gal to deal with?
or becos its challenging?
i dunno!
Shud i trust eu?
or just go on blindly?
i need an explanation from eu!
but, how am i going to open my mouth to eu?
everything isnt right at all.

i need some space people.
breathe~ breathe~ breathe~ =))

2008-07-13T05:38:00.003+08:00

everything seems to go on smoothly or...
not smoothly as i think?
izzit the cause of me?
or the cause of everyone's reaction towards each other?
im not sure either?
eu said,
a person will meet 3 person in his / her life;
1st- someone eu really love
2nd- someone will love eu deep
3rd-the one that will hold ur hands till Forever

Have i met this 3 person?
Well! the answer is clear to me.
i've met the first one.
but the Second?
Have i met?
eu answered ' Yes! its HIM!'.
i was stunned!
Den i came back to sense and said
'Yar! its seems true! but really?'
im not sure either.
or maybe a few years down the road?

i tot everyone's r/s is diff in many ways
but yet i found out,
there's not much diff.
No matter wad ur age is
how old or how young are you
there isnt any different.
the diff is only how eu treat this r/s your way.

To say the truth, Yes!
indeed i had that special feeling for eu
but izzit bcos eu have some familiar points like him?
Den i mistook u as him?
i noe very clearly n i can really differentiate the both of eu
but what makes me whirl is when im with him
my mind is actually thinking of EU!
When im with eu
im free from all troubles
is this what we called the process of LOVE ?

Eu are the fishing rod n im the fish
eu are waiting for me to bite on ur food n catch me
but...
after catching me,
wud eu put me in a fish tank n take very good care?
or...
Bbq me n eat it up instead?
im really v whirl NOW!

Sometimes involving in a no outcome relationship
or no movement relationships seems really tiring
we can either choose to stay still or step forward
but have we ever think of the consequences behind it after our movement?
when people starts to gave up
we wud start complaining saying he/she isnt true to eu
but have we ever asked ourselves
did we gave him / her a chance?
we cant blame anyone but to accept the fact
that he / she had given up
by that time when eu feels regret,
izzit too late?
it seems hard to have a two-side LOVE yea?
agree with me?

Recently i just got to noe this person whom i noe
for quite a long time or maybe its short?
i actually seen another side of him
its really shocking to me!
Does it mean when eu are sad or angry,
we must follow the same feeling as eu?
Eu only noe BLAMING!
what's the point?
have eu ever tell urself to take a step backward n think?
what's the point of acting childish?
what's the point of showing sympathy in front of us?
Yes! we noe very clearly eu need love n an listening ear
we tried to be ur listening ear
we tried to care for eu more
we tried to consoled eu
we tried to give eu some advice
but haven we done enough?
i admit sometimes im abit pissed off by eu
everyone walk thru ur road before
there are alot more people going thru more high n low
den why are eu holding on to this feeling
trying to say 'im more worst den others!'
can i tell eu to stop doing all those
childish things with ur childish thinking?
im really sorry to say this
but i really hope
eu can understand wad's my intention.

Sigh! Continue again some other day.
One more hour to go and im going off to sleep.
working now.... hehees... =))

GOOD MORNING !!! ... Yawnzzzz....

2008-06-29T19:23:00.002+08:00

how have i been this few weeks? Happy? or alrights? or...?

hahaas. Im really happy lahhs. n i do enjoyed myself with my bunch of GateWay friends.
Midnight shows, lunch, dinner, supper, shopping etc.
its FUN lahhs.

sometimes when things are broken, it cant be mend back.
maybe eu did tried to save it,
but have eu tried hard enuff?
i doubt.
or maybe i did not give eu the chance.

well~ i have to said
receiving ur calls n SMS really do irritate me ALOT ALOT
eu wud spolit my mood
can i be straightforward to tell eu NO MORE?

standing behind eu n holding all the hurtfuls stupid thing JUST FOR YOU !
wad did i get?
im tired le...
seriously i wish to stop..

we hadnt meet up for 1 month plus.
that day finally met up with eu
feel so happy lohhs
hahaas
maybe ur face did write "S M I L E"
hahaas
only in front of eu i can no need to hide my sadness n worry-ness by laughing loudly or crazily.
i can just be my true self n not hiding myself.
Yah! n only eu can stand me.
am i right?
how was the ajisen?
NICE?!
i treat eu hohhs! hahaas.
n the 'lin mon' (lemon) ?
yea? hahaas
meet up again with Yan Ping n Xiu Min they all the next time yar? =))

2008-05-25T20:19:00.007+08:00

knowing the incident at Sichuan.
gave me alot of feelings
we had actually taken alot of things for granted!
we din really treasure the things around us.
we take it as it will always be our side n just leave it aside.
Yes! we are fortunate enuff!
we dont have to suffer all this.
we can still go out with our legs
we can still carry things with our hands
we can still walk a hundred miles with our love ones
we can still hug our love ones with our arms
but the people there, can they do it?
they so much wish to live just to see their wife staying at home waiting for them.
they so much wish to see the corpse that is carried out isnt their son or daugther.
can over here,
we are wasting our time quarreling
angry with each other
cold war

after knowing it,
how much i wish eu are still beside me
let me noe i need to treasure eu alot
let me noe i still need to give eu more
izzit really true eu wont love me back anymore?
we are already separate for 2 months plus!
im not healed yet!
i still MISS eu alOt!
i still LOVE eu alOt!
i noe the care eu shown towards me isnt willingly
i still holds this HOPE that eu would come to me no matter wad.
its really miserable for me to undergo this pain
and becos of eu im undergoing this depression i cant control
how i wish eu cud just give urself n me a chance
i still cant believe i've actually LOST eu
i still dun wanna admit im single
i NEED you MR PIG !
my love for eu is still STRONG!
can eu please come back?!
can eu just give me the rest of ur time to treasure eu?
im really suffering Mr Pig!
im not feeling any better at all

today my collegues asked me
if eu are left for one day to live
what will eu do?
im suddenly so lost of words
i suddenly wanted to see eu so much
give eu a big big hug

i admit going to work
meeting my collegues in the workplace
laughing with them
playing with them
is just a way of avoiding
is just a way of putting those unhappy moments leave my mind for awhile
but why hasnt the pain just leave?
i tot i could at least 'used' this to forget eu
but why cant i?
every moment eu still crawl into my mind
how am i going to forget eu Mr Pig?
eu mess up my life totally!
my smiles are fake
my playful are fake
my cheerful are fake
i just wanna stay quiet and vanished totally!
i dun wish to hold that stupid smiles on me anymore
i dun wish to act anymore
i just want to be myself
can i?
i noe i cant!

YEs! i told eu before im having depression.
but surprisingly,
none believe me,
and actually said im joking or think too much
den..
after i told eu my story
Thats when eu believe im having depression
im really zou huo ru mo!
and eu are shocked!
isnt it true?
where are eu when i need a helping hand?
where are eu when i asked for a listening ear?
i tried to tell eu
but the outcome isnt wad i want
den..
eu came..
and asked me
i told eu my story
and thats when i find myself more relieved!
and eu are actually so worried n helping me to solve it.
eu are indeed a good friend!
maybe thats what we called
Bu Da Bu Xiang Si
thats how we know each other better n treasuring each other so much now
isnt it?

are we wasting too much time?
how long have we not treasuring?

seriously i can understand how eu are feeling!
its miserable i noe!
I can totally understand how eu feel!
i experience before.
but what can i do to help?
but dun eu find urself too much?
when i was undergoing that miserable period
had anyone ask how am i?
had anyone give me a helping hand?
NO !
i was breaking down
but hu was there to help?
seriously
NO ONE!
im not blaming eu
im still willing to help
its just that my heart isnt balance anymore
now eu came complaining to me
den when i need a hand
eu are over there happily enjoying
isnt this abit funny?

have eu started donate money to Sichuan?
Do it now !
it save lives!
THEY NEED UR CARE !

am i too much?
Our friends at Sichuan are so miserable fighting for their lives
and im over here dealing with my feelings

2008-05-17T00:49:00.003+08:00

i've work in GateWay Hotel for half a month le.
so happy over there man!
i enjoyed myself!
the staff there is damn funny n friendly lahhs.
sometimes after work oso dun bear to leave siahhs
having those friends really did brighten up my worrys in work lahhs
Joker Kent
Lamer Chi Ho
Strict Eric
Funny Wardah
Cute Serena
KPO Kelly
Sleepy Lester
Patient Cash
Cheeky Lip Teng
irritating Alex

I hate eu to the core!
I HATE eu for ruining my life
i hate eu for bringing me to paradise n pushing me to hell
but after all
i still LOVE eu!
why?!
i dun understand!
eu makes me feel im dirty
eu makes me feel im cheap
eu makes me feel im disgusting
but i still LOVE eu!
Why?!
i just dun understand!

abortion or give birth?
eu dun wan to acknowledge the child
eu asked for abortion
eu say eu wont force
but the words eu said had showed that eu wan an abortion!
im disappointed in eu thoroughly!
there's no point talking so much!
i wish eu cud get lOst.
but i cant bear too!
i just LOVE eu too much!

what's wrong with me!
where is the past strong me?
where is the independent me?
where is the brave me?
where is the cheerful me?
im finding myself!

im glad eu decided to stop.
den i have no need to tell eu the truth.
get on with ur days happily
God bless!

2008-05-06T22:26:00.003+08:00

can everyone please stop telling me
at least im the one he stays his LOVE
longer than the past
at least im the one he love the most?!
This kind of things cant be compared alrights!
Does it mean i decide to rely on him is
just for the sake of 'at least winning' his past gal?!
NO! NOT AT ALL !

the time we both put in
the effort we both put in
the goals we both had
the love we had for each other
the surprises we gave to each other
the feelings we had for each other
ALL came from our genius heart!
We makes the promise
to stay by each other
no matter what!
we decide to go on FOREVER!

it isnt smth to be happy about
when one of us had decide
to give up without looking back
it isnt something i shud be happy about
even if im better than his past gal!
That's not TRUE love!
There's no use comparing at all!

Every gal would wish to be
her partner's last gal!
Same goes to every Guy!
But which couple is able to do it?
its the TRUST and
COMMUNICATION
EVERY couple had to build in!

2008-05-05T21:30:00.003+08:00

its confirmed! im having depression due to alot of things that had been happening around me.

i understand eu are not feeling any better too.
but PAINs cant be compared!
can eu understand?
its smth that cannot be compared.
we cant compared LOVE too!
everyone can choose the one they love.
but not everyone can get the one they love.
Yes! its true i dun trust eu that much anymore.
but i do listen and think!
i noe wad eu had done for me,
i noe i wud always said 'no one ask eu to do ah'
but thats not wad my heart wanna said.
im just lost of words.
i dunno how to say nice words to eu
that is why i chosen to say harsh words to eu
ill do as eu said,
wont ask eu anything
wont ask eu out
and ill SOLVE everything by MYSELF!
eu are right in saying this too.
i've been bringing too much trouble to everyone
and i guess everyone is tired of giving me a hand too
ill not ask for anyone's help anymore!
i believe im able to do it!

is this coincidence or fate?
i dunno!
i told myself i shud stop thinking.
stop hoping
but all around me makes me messy once again

today is my off day! Yipees~
i've start working!
shud say i've grown up le bahhs.
Yeahhs~
im able to support myself.
must save money for my future too!
but i guess the rotating shift is quite tough for me lahhs.
cuss it takes me 1 and a half hour from my house to my working place.
somemore i've to admit nearby my working place is Geylang and its really DANGEROUS !
they will get mistaken that the gals there are prostitute.
if im working night shift, i must be careful le lohhs.
anyway, nothing will happen too.
cuss if work long over there,
customers over there will noe 'im there to work!'
shud be no problem yea?
God Bless!

tmr i've to wake up at 4.30am for my morning shift at 7am. Oh my! Nights!

every 痛 makes me PAIN once!
想念是会呼吸的痛

它活在我身上所有角落

哼你爱的歌会痛

看你的信会痛连沉默也痛

遗憾是会呼吸的痛

它流在血液中来回滚动

后悔不贴心会痛

恨不懂你会痛

想见不能见最痛

你回来那就好了

能重来那就好了

2008-05-01T00:37:00.003+08:00

i dun undderstand why?
have i turn into a rock?
or im just too heartless?
i just dun feel anything!
i just want to do it my own way.
am i doing the right things?
after doing it, izzit the outcome that i want?
after doing it, do i feel any better?
at least i noe what type of person is him.
but im not any better than him.
Yes!
im trying
im hoping
im giving it a one last try
but...
shud i still continue? i dunno!
am i too foolish?
or... ?
im LOST ! seriously i dunno which step shud i go!
im scared of making a wrong step again.
it doesnt feel good at all!
not everything is under my control too, it just happened too suddenly
makes me really hard to believe!
sometimes i really do ask myself, am i under some mental problem?
am i getting depressed? am i too stress? am i ?
i cant find any answer either.
Everything that has happened around me makes me dunno hu shud i confide to.
izzit eu or eu or eu? i dunno!
sometimes when i confide to eu, i got the results i want.
sometimes i feel better to confide to another eu.
sometimes i feel that it wud be better to confide eu as eu are more experience in this.
Yes! its true that i shud solve it myself!
i must pull myself out of the circle n not continue to turn inside.
its true that being with eu i did pull out, but i just cant help going in again

post again the next time when i have time. going to do my mask. Nights to everyone!

Happy Birthday To Xiu Min!

2008-04-24T13:40:00.003+08:00

Should i? Can I? Will I? Shall I? Am I? Must I?

Yesterday Night went East Coast.
the scenery was beautiful! Especially at Night!
I did not cross the 'memories boundaries' which we walk before.
i step back when i reaches there and U-turn.
What shall i do to make myself stand firm n not keep wobbling?

We promise to hold hand in hand and walk up the staircase.
Every step we walked up, we met alot of good and bad things
we will always take the effort to look back at the stairs we climbed on.
But as days n weeks goes by, we dont even bother to look back
and just pulling each other up unwillingly.
Im glad we managed to climb to storey 6 plus.
and again
without hesitating
without looking back
eu decide to jump down to storey 1 and start looking for another
leaving me at storey 6+
dunno if i shud jump down too?
or continue standing at that storey.

Is this a retribution?
Because i've hurts someone badly before
without considering his feeling and
now it happens to me.
issit true?

Isnt it ridiculous?
I noe i shouldnt have done it!
But i just love doing it!
Did something goes wrong somewhere?
I tried to hide from eu!
Shud said i've never wanted eu to noe.
but the uneasy feeling just came out unknowingly
eu can feel it too!
im surprised!
In the end, i Pour to eu!
thinking maybe eu would knock my sense up,
thinking maybe eu would reprimand me
but i was totally wrong!
eu actually told me if it was eu, eu would done it too!
I admit at that moment
i was surprised by ur replies
i even have this thought that im doing the right thing ( at that very moment)
But the next thought was, i was wrong!
As i said, i just want to do it!
eu told me to go with the flow.
Yes! I will!
But believe me, ill not let the matter turn worsen!
And becos of this, i feel much related n closer to eu!
i've found out that there's nothing i can hide from eu!
becos i would pour to eu eventually
i dun care if it was my evil, kind, bad n good thoughts n actions!
i would just want to pour to eu!
and ONLY YOU !
im not afraid that eu would said
"why have eu become laidat? Cant eu just stand up and be strong?
Cant eu just wake up? Cant eu just be the right hand i noe?"
im not afraid at all!
Becos i noe,
whatever actions I do
eu would stand in my shoes and
eu would understand i do it for certain reason.
And eu are waiting patiently for me to get back to the shore to where eu are standing and gave me a hand!
Am i right to say this?
I can understand eu are also LOST.
Eu dunno how to help me up too
Just do it ur own way gal!
lOvees!

How to deal with break-up?

People who have been out of love say,
"love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop."
But tears are usually not enuff to chase away pain that accompanies a breakup.
When the person eu love and have spent so many happy times with
suddenly leaves ur life,
eu may feel as if ur whole identity has been shattered- eu dont know who eu are any longer
eu may feel lost,
and feel like eu could never recover from the pain ever again.
but do keep this in mind;
"there will always be sunshine and even rainbow, after the rain."
So until then, here are some things eu can do,
or how eu can help ur friend to go thru e painful post-breakup period easier.

1) Facing the Music
First of all,dont deny that the breakup had happened.
it may seem difficult to accept that the
love eu tot wud last for the rest of ur life had such an abrupt end,
but the sooner eu accept e fact tat the r/s is over, e better it is for eu!
Dont lose urself in self-pity, or keep asking yourself why things turn out this way.
just try to get used to the idea that eu are single-for now.

2) Cry Your Heart Out
Crying may seem the most obvious things to do,
but there are times that it's not easy to cry even though eu really want to.
eu could still be v numb abt the experience,
or eu cud be in denial of losing someone eu really love
eu might even want to act tough and show to urself and all those around eu
that eu dont care about the breakup-ur partner means nth to eu, eu may say.
Holding on to ur anger will only cause urself more stress, and end up feeling miserable.
So, Let urself CRY!
After a good cry, eu'll not only feel relieved, but also be able to eat and sleep alot easier.
Avoid going to places that remind eu of ur ex if eu think that it will make matter worse.

3) Time for Friends
Its no matter hu left whom, or how much love there was between two partners
the hurt that comes from a breakup often seems insurmountable
its impossible to go thru a breakup w/o the support of friends
These are people hu love eu, support eu, and know eu better than anybody!
They'll always know ur back - they saw eu falling in love, know the full story of wad happened - so they will be willing to listen to eu and help eu thru this rough patch.

Be A Friend
Getting thru a breakup isnt easy, and friends play a big part in the recovery process. If u've got a friend hu is going thru a particularly difficult breakup, here's what eu can do to help him or her out!

Spend time w ur friend, Make an effort to have long chats on the phone. text to see how they are, and meeting up is the ideal way of being there for them.
Encourage ur friends to talk things out, and be a good listener. Make sure eu have lotsa tissue in hands.
Try distracting ur friend out of misery. Movies, sightseeing, outdoor activities and games are good ways. - avoid going to places they went with their ex before.
bring ur friend out n indulge in chocolates, massages, facials, shopping sprees, or even arcade games tgt - whatever lets him or her concentrate on pleasure instead of pain.
Send a card, give a call or text them to lift ur friend's spirits if eu cant be there in person. Let them noe eu are there for them.
Be patient. some things take a long time to get over. Dont hurry them to get over the pain even though eu mean well, because they are already under enuff stress as it is!

2008-04-21T23:09:00.002+08:00

finally one month had past! shud i said "Happy Separated One Month" or ... ?

am i healed?
am i alrights?
am i fine?
i dunno.

people said relationship can be salvage.
izzit true?
i tried asking among my friends.
Yes! they managed to save their relationship!
no matter is quarrellings, fightings, feelings faded, timer..
their relationship is save back again!
isnt it surprised?!
i tried asking myself,
can i?
am i able to do it?
am i too foolish?
why am i making myself so miserable?
i dun understand either

everything is too coincidence!
Everywhere I go! Anywhere! Just Name it!
There is ur Shadow!
i tried to let eu leave my mind for a second
but...
the next second eu came n knock on my mind again
Everything i see relates to eu.
The numbers, the cartoon character, the songs, etc
What can i do?
Bring a smile and just walk straight.

Everyone started asking me,
"hey! how's eu n ur boyfriend?, where's ur boyfriend?, i just got to noe, eu had a boyfriend!"
How am i able to answer them?
I cant bring myself to tell them we had gone separated ways.
so, i just told them 'he's not free!, we are fine!'
is this avoiding or too stupid to not accept the facts that i had alr lost eu?

I dun even understand myself.
am i still willing to wait? or im starting to give up?
i just cant control myself!
everytime i saw something nice, i wud have this urge to buy for eu.
can i? i hold back once again

The first time eu drop ur tears in front of me.
i was lost of words.
lost of actions
my heart was shouting for help
my mind asking me what shud i do
no answer came out
i started to had this fear
i started to walk far away from eu
finally~ im back home.
i feel much relieved!
but the next moment
i regretted!
i shouldnt have walk off just laidat leaving eu behind.
i noe eu are tired
i noe what eu want
i noe eu need a hand
i noe eu need love n care now
i noe eu need understanding
i noe eu need more colours in ur life
i told eu i may not be the one or im not the one
but eu told me
eu wanna see how our storys goes
i kept silent

i asked myself will i be happier with eu?
i asked myself will eu treasure me more?
i asked myself will we be able to go on?
i asked myself will eu hold my hands tightly when that day comes?
i asked myself will eu treat me better?
i asked, i asked, i asked..
den i started to find out..
yes! eu would surely do it!
but will it be forever?
or after a couple of months, we are sick n tired n leave again?
the trust isnt there yet.
the promise isnt there yet
the actions isnt there yet
the feelings isnt there yet
we are too young!
our thinkings isnt the same.
our goals.
our communication
everything n everything!!
There's too much to worried Boy!
it isn that easy!
Our path is still long

Dont eu feel ashamed of urself?
telling me when eu are in need of help, no one help eu.
going around cheating people
bringing harm to ur parents
den come here telling me how pity eu are when all is just AN ACT!
Search ur heart Gal!
Stop taking ur friends for granted!
eu are using up our trust.
eu are ruining urself!
Wake up Gal!
Seriously, i wud wish to give eu a tight slap!
a big scolding!
a huge lecture!
but..
will this help?
i doubt!
God! what can i do?
stay by urself and do nothing?
opening my eyes seeing eu do all those harmful things n not stopping eu?
i dunno!
what actually do eu want from me?

our friendship had been going thru alot of test.
had we passed? or had we failed?
the results isnt out yet!
eu wanna noe when will the results shown?
on the day we leave the world!
i have to n i want to believe,
till that day, even everyone leaves us,
we would still stand hand in hand, back to back!
Keep Going Bann`Douu!
I Love You!

KEXIN IS BACK ! =))

2008-03-27T09:48:00.012+08:00

In The Past Is a Dazzling Stone But Now It Doesnt Shine Anymore

Mr Pig;Tweety;Mr Violent;Darling;Laogong; Mr Yap
Mrs Pig;Sylvester;Mrs Violent;Dear;Laopo; Mrs Yap
eu created our stories on 28o8o7-12.17am and eu stops it at 21o3o8-10.34pm

分手只用了一分钟而已!
这感觉已经不对
我努力在挽回
曾经我们觉得
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次为了这个原因吵
但是我们依然相信我们会永远
因为我们了解到
Men are from MARS
Women are from VENUS
但是
你的不安，赢得你信任
我也得到你残忍的淘汰!

my heart is really pain!
really really pain.
i tot i would be happier to at least have the chance to leave this miserable life
i tot i wont feel pain n will be able to let go very freely
but i was totally wrong!
my heart is getting more n more pain as the minutes n hours goes by!
eu hurts me real deep, real deep!
its that kind of pain which i had never felt before!
unbearable n hard to breathe.
every pain that came makes me punch my heart hardly thinking it may ease abit.

eu had succeed in making me forget my past love life.
eu had succeed in making me feel eu are the one
eu had succeed by entering my heart
eu had succeed in making me bleeds
eu had succeed in everything

eu told me u came out with this decision is becos ur love for me had fade
eu told me eu had this thinking is during ur exam period- end of January
but eu didnt mention anything to me
till March 11, i tot we are still fine just that we didnt meet up much

do eu still rmb last year i went to Malaysia for a week?
Do eu know when i came back, my love had fade?
do eu know actually i didnt want to meet up with eu when eu wanted to?
but i still meet up!
cus i believe our love isnt that weak!
and i noe we will be able to find back the feelings.

i trust that eu will hold my hand tightly from the day i said 'Choice 1'
i trust that we will go on till the day we lost our breathe
alot of times i cant hold anymore, i decide to end this relationship too,
im scared of ur control, im scared of ur temper
im scared of ur everything!
but what did i do?
I ACCEPT all becos I LOVE EU !

i believe we will walk thru everything!
but now,
eu told me eu had fear in going out with me
eu told me eu are scared to meet me
have eu ever mention it to me?
do eu noe how pain it is for me to hear this from ur mouth?

i told eu before bout my dreams.
eu told me it is not true.
and Laopo is a work for eu to call never ending.
but now?

told eu before im afraid after being with eu ill change to a different kexin.
but eu say if that happens, eu will still stay by my side and change me back.
Now?

1) (space) zfd vlf hlj skgn z...(space) h ndzfg
2) cl (space) h (space) dfh (space) dxg (space) (space) df gl njfg hlj zbzk (space) 3) :jg hlj (space) (space) j (space)(space) df l (space) d:>z (space) d k (space) (space) h ndzfgv

this is the three things eu told me, eu wanted to do to me.
Till now, i dun even noe what it is. can i noe it?

I dun understand why when eu were thinking of breaking,
you didnt mention anything to me,
letting me tot we're fine.
If eu tell me, at least i can try my best to save it.

I dun understand why ur feelings fade so fast.
Everywhere I go is ur shadow.
As long as there is any places we went together before
there would be ur shadow, Bus,MRT,etc...
Too much of ur shadow makes my heart bleeds alot!
Seeing things related to us, bleeds more! - 28, 217, Tweety, Sylvester, etc...
Listening to songs related to us hurts me even more! - That's when I Love You, 世界唯一的你，因为我相信，我一直都在,Till the end, etc...

Before eu made the decision,
I was still planning on how to celebrate our 7th Month. - 28o7o8
But all is ruin by YOU !

By touching EVERYTHING in me and leave just laidat makes eu feel better?
leaving me alone to handle this painful wound created by YOU !

I dun understand why guys like to say 'break-up' using SMS?
Cant they just face their partner and say it?
have the courage to face your partner when wooing them but no courage when asked for 'break-up'

Do eu noe how uneasy am i not receiving ur missed call and sms?
Not missing call n sms eu makes me feel uneasy too!
Every minute every hour i would start asking myself,
'what are eu doing at this time?' ,
'how are eu feeling?' ,
'feeling Stress today?' ,
'Tired today?' ,etc....

Im worried bout eu too!
Dunno if eu had enuff water?
cause eu catch a cold easily.
have ur meals regularly?
cause eu had gastric pain.
still continue eating instant noodles? -that will make ur hair falls alot!
spending ur money within ur control?
have sufficient sleep?
leg still pain due to playing?
thumb still okaees?, etc...
Worried... ... ... ... ... ...

Will eu still think of me?
Will eu still think of our past memories?
Will eu still miss me?
Are eu hurts?
or too happy to finally have freedom?

I always believe im the last gal.
I always believe im urs forever.
i always believe eu wont let go of my hands
i tot eu wud be my last stop
Till now, i still cant believe i had actually lost you!
i cant believe from ur so called 'lifetime partner' had downgrad to 'friend'!
i dun wan to be ONLY ur friend! can eu understand?

i promise you i wont leave you no matter what.
Even if eu are too possesive, too stubborn, too hot-tempered,
ill still accept and love for what eu are!
and now, eu are just leaving me with just a sorry.
What am i to eu?
You are the first guy that touches n seen everything
And you are leaving just laidat.
Am I that cheap to you?
Am i that Kinda of gal?
Im SERIOUSLY hurts by YOU!

Its so hard to bring a smile everywhere i go.
its so hard to act as if im fine and nothing happens when actually the pain in my heart is killing me.

Thinking in the future, eu would fall for other gals.
made me so so pain!
I cant afford to hold on if eu really did fall for other gals n flirt with them!
Holding their hands if they are cold,
kissing their lips,
touching their waist,
hugging them
when actually its done on me once before!
i NOE im stupid to think laidat
but... i just CANT ACCEPT it!

for all I can say is ' IM SERIOUSLY HURTS BY YOU!
I would rather eu remain treating me cold den asking for break-up!
Oh My God!
Its unbearable!!

I miss ur Mr Pig show.
Eu promised to show it to me during our half year.
but now....

Everyone said:
I derserve a better guy,
eu are not the type that will be in relationship for long,
at least im the one eu put alot of effort in,
at least im the one eu stay ur love for long,
But im still hurts!
I dun wan to be ONLY ur past n the first gal eu actually ... ... ...
I wanna be the ONE AND ONLY eu love in all ur life!
i wan to walk with eu till we fall asleep in coffin.

I wud nv wish bad things but i dun wish eu well.
it hurts to noe u'll never be there.
it's painful to see ur face everywhere
it was eu hu choose to end it like eu did in the past
When you are gone
The words i need to hear and our memories always get me thru the days and make it okaees
Everything that I do reminds me of YOU!
The clothes eu left behind, they smell just like eu!
All i ever wanted was for eu to noe,
everything I'd do I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe!

Po go sip eo yo = I MISS YOU

You told me eu love me!
If eu are not going to take responsibility for other guy's baby
den DON'T bullshit!

From the day eu say you will do nothing with me and i misunderstood it.
we had alr build a wall in between if eu notice
its hard for us to walk into each other heart once again.
we need time to start all over again
its too hard to be back to normal so easily again
becos..
I can see behind every talks,
smile n laughter hides something.
I dunno if it was eu hu choose to not voice anything in order not to make things worsen
OR i choose to keep silent.
We both didnt tried hard to save anything
shud say we are avoiding the problems
OR we choose to leave it aside bahhs
I understand its no use blaming each other
cus having this type of problems
both parties held a responsibility
it was US hu creates it!
whether to leave or save it is still up to OUR decision
and i believe we are not going to leave it,
cuss our PROMISE towards each other is NOT empty!

Forever Couple is disband

2008-03-20T23:17:00.005+08:00

i feel like scolding bad words now!
Arghhs!
S***** F***** !!!!
F****** A****** !!!!

anyone have rooms to rent out?
i need it asap!
contact me, if eu have!
thankks!

yesterday, met up with eu for dinner.
seriously, i wish to give eu a goodbye kiss.
but i just dun dare.
haiis.
anyway, the dinner, i really enjoyed!
thankks!

my heart tears once again!
walking along the streets,
tears dropping,
leg turning weak,
walking with no strength
i feel like just lying on the road.
everyone walk past me,
get frightened too.
its too pain!
unbearable!

Call eu, hang fone.
cant call thru.
my heart totally drop to the ground!
its too PAIN !!
really pain!

anyway, thanks fot the hello panda eu bought for me.
you noe hu you are.
thankks alot too!
and ur funny faces! =D
thankks alOtts!

what do eu actually want from me?
i dunno!
i tried!
i tried n tried!
tried n tried n tried!
what did i get in the end?
im tired le!
seriously,
im tired le!

eu have choosen ur own routine.
i dunno to follow or walk away.
eu decide.
the final decision is still urs.
ill respect!

can i still request?
can i still msg eu?
can i still call eu?
can i still see eu?
will i still dare to request?
will i still received ur msg?
will i still received ur calls?
will i still sees you?

treasure whatever eu have now,
eu wont noe what happen to ur love ones, the next minute!

i do treasure eu!
do eu?

i dunno if i shud or i shud not.
i feel like leaving this complicated country!
this complicated life im having now
eu may say im avoiding,
whatever! i dun care!
maybe leave for sometime. - 1 month? half a year? or 3 months? or?
no one cares too!
ill leave without informing, - im sorry!
pardon me please!
i need some rest!
i need to clear my mind.
to leave or not to,
decision is urs?
or mine?

heart-aching

2008-03-18T22:38:00.000+08:00

Remember this.
If you ever need me and I’m not around,
just wait for me.
Because I’ll always be here.

I am just like the sun and you the flower.
I’ll provide sunlight for you to blossom.
Sometimes,
clouds will prevent me from reaching you.
But you’ll know that I’m always trying to reach you.
Just wait for the clouds to clear if you can’t receive my sunlight.

isnt it touching? Loves!

2008-03-17T17:09:00.001+08:00

finally! i understand everything!
ur everything towards me.
i seriously understand le!
im no longer important to eu.
im NOTHING!
i noe what to do.
and i noe eu would find it better this way!
ill face n accept it!
i dunno what makes eu become laidat!
i dun even noe what comes in between.
im just accomodating!

i have alot alot to tell eu!
im missing eu real much!

suddenly i feel so empty.
someone had left.

anyway, i've move house le! =)
was busy packing n cleaning this few days.

my life will still goes on!

2008-03-12T23:42:00.002+08:00

friends should give unconditional love.
couples should give unconditional love.

everything has come to a stop.
eu had created a full-stop which is not what i want!

blame it on my selfishness!
blame me for whatever it is!

ill stay far from eu too.
i guess this would be what eu want too.
i will do nothing with eu too.

just a little time eu oso cant give me.
its okaees.
im sorry for leaving eu in a maze.
blame me!
hate me!
scold me!

i hope eu will have better times ahead!
i wont bother eu anymore too!

i tot eu could understand.
but i didnt noe,
eu actually get it wrong.
do eu noe how much i hate my life now?
i just cant help blaming!

for those who love me, hate me please, leave me please!
for those hu hate me, hate me more, leave me please!
for those hu neither love nor hate me, leave me please!
im just a evil girl!
i have a evil heart!
im not the gal which eu all noe!
im not the Kexin eu all noe!
im just a selfish person!
im just a stupid person who dunno what treasuring means!
im just a useless person who ruins everything with my own hands!
makes me lost everything!
thankks!
ill be very very happy !!!
wahahaha!!!

An evil gal like me dun deserve any love!
thinking im childish now?
thinking im irrational?
thinking im petty?
thinking im crazy?
whatever it is!

I TOTALLY SUCKS !!!

2008-03-11T21:58:00.002+08:00

can i tell eu i dun want to receive ur calls?
can i tell eu not to appear in front of me for the time being?
receiving ur calls, ill get irritated,
it may even spoilt my mood.
im sorry to say this,
i didnt want it to.
but i just feel this way.
maybe im being too lonely,
no laughter anymore,
that is why.
im really sorry!
i really wish to see eu,
i even wish to find eu,
but ... ... ... ...
will it turn out better?
for now, i really wish to stay away from eu.
as far as possible.
as long as i wont see eu, wont received ur calls.
i dun understand why either.
why has everything turn out laidat?
why we turn out laidat?
im disappointed!
Maybe time will solve everything.

Do eu noe how much i miss eu?
do eu noe how much i yearn to see eu?
do eu noe, do eu noe, do eu noe???
haiis.

I just cant stop the problems from repeating!
what a *******person am i !!!!!!!!

I HATE MYSELF!!!
i hate myself for being laidat!
can i ask, 'where are eu?'

maybe eu would find me selfish.
maybe eu would find me useless.
maybe eu would find me stupid.
what ever it is...
im sorry!

2008-03-10T23:20:00.003+08:00

was packing my things this few days.
cus im moving house soon.
i didnt noe i was so crazy for 5566 in the past till i pack my cupboard.
Goodness!!!
there's 5566 cut magazine, postcard, album, photo, signature etc.
wahahas.
i cant help laughing at myself.
lOls

Ohya! i saw the shoelace eu gave me before - blue n white square pattern
i wore it once and keep it till now.
do eu want it back?

tried wearing those shorts that i cant wear in the past few months.
Wow! to my surprised it FITS me !!
i slim down man! - cheers*
hohoOs.

injuries on my leg,
the skin is torn.
so pain man!
i hate it when people look at my wound.
i find it so disgusting.
when can it recover?
my poor leg.
haiis

its true why izzit always must be eu calling me,
and not i call eu.
its bcos i find that everytime i called eu,
either eu are not free or
chat awhile, eu would ask to hang up. - happens alot of time
i cant use phone at night too,
my daddy is around.
even if i need eu, i wud wonder whether shud i call eu.
but i noe, even if i called, eu wouldnt come,
that is why i changed my mind.
maybe eu would say 'eu nv tried, how eu noe?'
I Do Noe! - wont elaborate
Sometimes even if i need eu real much,
i would still do a double thinking,
worried that the care i want for the outcome isnt what eu give
n in the end im the one getting hurts once again.

As expected, i knew the days has came.
we hadnt meet up for more than a week.
eu may find it alright.
Eu may say 'its fine with me!'
eu may say 'ok wad!'
but ????
haiiis......
i understand !!
i really understand!!!
but i just cant help blaming eu n me!
scold me for being so not understanding!

eu told me eu treasure me!
eu told me in ur heart there's still me.
are eu just saying for the sake of saying?
ur actions DOESNT tells at all!
the fake smile we had,
spolit everything!
betray our heart!
I HATE IT !
what have we really done?
we are drifting far apart !
i get irritates when receiving ur calls now.
i hate it even more when eu call to just talk bout that!
i hate it when eu are selfish!
always asking me to be understanding, eu?
have eu?
have eu ever tried standing in my shoes?
sometimes yes, sometimes no.
me too! i admit!
I want more care from eu!
I want more love from eu!
but... ... ...
I guess... im not fit to get either one.
haiis.
towards eu, i feel like avoiding.
i feel like just hiding myself up,
stop getting any phone calls or sms from eu,
i wanna FREEZE myself for the time being.
maybe one day, when i sees eu,
my smile would be brighter!
I hope eu had ur happy times ahead!

im tired of saying things repeatedly!
i hate the feelings that i dun wan, coming back repeatedly!

thanks for holding on to my hands when crossing the road.
i feel needed n loved by eu!

===== I Could Never Be The One! =====

2008-03-07T20:58:00.004+08:00

for my practical training,

broke a mirror,

bike fall on a guy's back

lucky he is fine! - im sorry!!

Engine stall!

Fall Down from bike

Burn my leg again!

Damn Pain till i cant endure!

can feel my wound is heating.

tears kept flowing down - teary eyes

stupid instructor still gossip bout me as if i cant understand hokkien!

Arghhs!

Unlucky day lOhhs!

Such a Big Lump of burn on my leg! - hui rong

Goodness!

my right leg turning more n more ugly le!

Hell!!!

Cant walk at all!

stupid instructor still ask ' why didnt eu continue the lesson?'

Im in damn Pain! How am i to continue?

still fail !

was in a very very lousy mood after all this!

kept crying n crying.

looking at my handphone, thinking of ringing eu

but... i hold back once again!

i dunno why towards eu i feel so stranger.

i shouldnt have this feeling.

izzit becos too long we didnt chat on fone?

izzit too long we hadnt meet up?

or izzit our sms are getting more and more shorter?

i dun understand why!

I Miss You Alot!

i got alOt wanna tell eu!

but.....

it seems too late.

eu have ur own entertainment till eu left with no time for me.

Enjoy ! I hope eu are having Fun wherever eu go!

saw this idiotic uncle when i was on my way home at night.

asking me " Gal! want me Lobang eu? "

cycling on his bicycle somemore.

Eeeerrrr....

Say is easier den done!

2008-03-06T13:59:00.002+08:00

getting more n more worried as the days goes by.
wanna confide eu..
but after looking at eu..
i close everything..

wanna see eu so much..
but eu are busy..
noeing eu are tired after everything..
makes me change my mind..

i cant be so selfish to think of myself only.
standing in ur shoes, i noe eu are tired.
i noe eu are stressing with ur own things too..
that is why, i kept quiet!
sorry for that!

initially i wish to face this alone.
but.. am i able to do it?
i seriously NEED EU !! =(

too much things happening around.
makes me lost of directions.
there's is too much things for me too take care!
when can everything just STOP!

Got my Grades for my papers.
got straight 3F n 1C !
I was SHOCK!
i studied so hard for those papers!
i had so much confident for my papers that i'll pass.
but!!!!! ??????
i tot the person is not me.
i double-check!
i tot the NRIC is not mine.
i double-check!
Hell!!!
Im Damn Disappointed!!!
Gonna take Sub-Paper for this. Haiis..

My brother went for indonesia trip - 4days 3 nights

She's leaving for sure!
He cares no more!
No one can stop her!

2008-02-29T15:43:00.003+08:00

HAPPY 6th Month Anniversary to Mr&Mrs Pig! - 28o2o8

meet up for breakfast at AMK Hub. - roti prata
Delicious man! Especially the fish curry! Yummy Yummy!
but poor thing is he cant taste anything cuss he's down with a flu.
After that went to catch a movie. - 2 Faces of my Girlfriend
Was a Funny n Touching movie! =))
Den off we go for our lunch. -Pizza Hut
hohoOs. if im not wrong he ate Cheesy Mushroom Salmon.
and i ate Hawaiian. =)) Nice Nice !!!
Chit Chat, Play, Taking Funny Photos, Feeding each other.
Aw!!!! Sweet~ hehees.
He was thinking of treating me eat steak, but nv sell.
thinking of buying flower for me, nv sell too. hahaas.
but im happy lahhs! At least he got the heart to buy for me!
im happy den enuff le. =)
I spent my day happily that day! WoOts!
Although we just meet up for afternoon, its enuff for me le!
Seeing eu is the ENERGY to my Love-Life !
MuacKks*

counting down to 16 days.. .. =D

2008-02-26T22:24:00.016+08:00

17o2o8______ Darling's Birthday

he wish.. he wishh... he wishhh... =))

heart strawberry cake specially for Birthday boy

hehees

Where's his present ?

Its hard to Open

What's inside the present?

Twist!

OPPS !! =x

Opps!

i spoilt the foto with my stupid smile =.=

Cute

His Present

Nice View

Dumdum`Couple

What is she thinking about ? ... ... Me? =x

lastly, fOrever Couple

2008-02-26T21:58:00.018+08:00

16o2o8_____

want some ?

We're Sorry

Notice our Left-Right hand

isn't it cute ?

im hungry

i wanna Muacks You

Guilty Faces

dying soon

V`day Gift

Couple Wear

Ramdom Pics

ahhbann`ahhdouu

2008-02-25T22:48:00.006+08:00

Just came back from my dinner n cycling. lOls. its FUN !! hahaas.
with ahhbann, ahhboii, my sister plus ME !! Yea Yea! hahaas.
Guess what! =.= I had a BICYCLE ACCIDENT! lOls.
bicycle hit bicycle! hahaas. I hit on ahhboii's bicycle. lOls.
somemore the stupid bangla just walk past n looking for fun (seeing me fall down),
didnt even help me! =.=
my leg was totally cramp! and i injured my knees!PAIN !!
im lucky my face didnt touch the road, if not ... ...
My sister n ahhboii help me to stand up.
we are in the middle of the small road somemore. hahaas.
i was laughing all the way. although my wound is pain lahhs. lOls. =))
i hope there wouldnt be any scar. =]]
later when im bathing, sure very 'high' de lOhhs.
thanks for ur concern Gal! =)

im unable to get a nice sleep recently. i dunno why too!
its either waking up in the middle of the night or cant sleep well totally!
some things going to happen mahhs? i hope not.
when will my eyes get tired? Sigh!

on our first day eu wrote this to me :
if i know i have to travel over mountains in order to see the rainbow(you),
i would still do it even if it would be tiring n dangerous..
cause i know at the end of the journey i would be able to see the rainbow.
its worth it.
for now, does it still count ?

2008-02-25T19:09:00.007+08:00

我的感觉：______

我的心突然好空﹗
也不知為何因。
可能是太想你了吧﹗
想著以前你對我的体贴，宽容，关心
怎么现在慢慢都消失了﹖
你累了吗?才走了这么一段路你就累了吗?
那接下的路你要怎么继续呢?

不久前... ...
你告诉我，你的梦想是要娶我，
买栋靠海的房子和我一起生活。
要我做全世界最幸福，
最快乐的女人。

现在你却告诉我，
你的梦想变小了。
是什么意思呢?
后悔你曾说过的话了吗?

有时候我真想问你，
何时才能让我安心的依赖你?
我总是会在你的行动上找到答案。

我真想问你，
我在你心中占了什么位置?
在你生命里，是个不能缺少的氧气吗?
还是弄丢也没关系?
我在你的行动上也找到了答案。
但是我依然相信你是爱我的。

可是有时候我还是会有莫名其妙的想法，
那就是“我是下一个！”。
我知道我不该那么想，
可是... ... ...
难到我们就不能一起努力帮助对方创业，建立稳固的感情吗?

我要大家说，“我们稳定了！”，
而不是，“我不知道他们怎样了！”。
我要大家说，“你是爱我的！”，
而不是，“err... ... 爱啦爱啦！”

我们能做到吗?能吗?
告诉我！我们行的！
告诉我！你会和我一起努力的！
告诉我！你明白了！

2008-02-24T23:23:00.006+08:00

Yesterday went over to ahhbann house for our small dinner with Jian Liang, Cliff n his girlfriend (Cheryl), my sister, xiao hwee n me. After that all together walk over to Jian Liang house den to my new house. View my house awhile den walk to Jian Liang house(passby) den to xiao wei house, bye to Jian Liang, Xiao Wei, Cliff, Cheryl n xiao hwee den left me n my sister walk all the way back home again. Goodness! by the time we reach home, we quickly walk straight to our bedroom n lie down. Our leg was dam pain man!!!! Ouch !!!!!!!!!!! Bone turning weak ah. lOls.

Moving HOuse soon le !!!!!!!! Yeahhs~~ =D Probably by 16 March or 23 March! hohoOs.

im tired by my dad's instruction for the new house. there's too many things to take care. and im responsible for it! im taking charge ALONE ! on my goodness! although its the time to show my dad im capable but....... im still worried. haiis. i hope everything would be fine. i hope eu would be there to help me but..... haiis sianns.....

Dun put ur smile or laughter on people's body, it will only add ????? to people.

im disappointed in eu! seeing eu picking up a stick of ciga, lighting the fire. im totally disappointed in eu. eu had quit the habit twice, what makes eu pick it up again? as a friend, i would wish to tell eu to STOP! cuss it will only harm eu. Take Care!

haiis... nothing is working good now....

i noe there should be trust in us. but... the fear... ur past... ur actions... ur attitude... shows me somethings gonna change... haiis... eu wont understand either... wont elaborate...

your actions tell me that eu dun need me anymore le. dun say i think too much. cuss if eu were to stand in my shoes, eu would share the same thinking too.

went over to ur blog to read this again. i hope we really do understand this. =((

past few days, i never failed asking myself same questions,
why did he became like this?
what actually happened?
i really need someone who's clear with all these thing to let me know what's actually going on.
if you noticed,the impt rules is outta our mind slowly, we've forgotten about the rules. ):
we've been talking loudly to each other recently.
easily angry with both parties.
felt the changes in us.
everytime the thought of these made me confuse.
madly confused over everything.
simple as it is,we lack of communications and knowledge about relationships.
the before and after feelings we both had.
the fade away feelings you've given me.
why did these happened?
there's no such thing as before and after feelings,its the way you maintain it.
why did we had before and after feelings?
its cause of the love deposit.
everytime doing little things to surprise each other.
even the smallest thing, you'd do to make her happy, at all cost!but after long, you'd often take things for granted and stopped doing all these,and that's love busters
then slowly,feelings fade off,you can blame no one only yourself for all the changes took place.
the things you'd always do in the past, you've stopped doing it now.
that explain why the before and after feelings.

2008-02-22T23:49:00.002+08:00

32 things to do to make your girlfriend happy~~!

1. Tell her she is beautiful.
2. Hold her hand at any moment even if its just for a second.
3. Hug her from behind.
4. Leave her voice messages to wake up or morning call.
5. Wrestle with her =)
6. Do everything with her.
7. If you are talking to another girl,walk over and hug her and kiss her.let her know she's yours & they arent.
8. Write her notes or call her just to say "darling, i miss eu!".
9. Introduce her to your friends . . .as your girlfriend!
10.Play with her hair.

11. Pick her up (she LOVES it).
12. Get upset if another guy touches her and she doesn't like it.
13. Make her laugh
14. Let her fall asleep in your arms.
15. If she's mad at you, kiss her.
16. If you care about her, then TELL HER!
17* EVERY GUY should give their girl 3things:
a stuffed animal (she'll hug it EVERYTIMEshe goes to sleep),
jewelry (she'lltreasure it forever),
and one of UR t-shirts (she'll most likely wear it tobed) or
sweat shirts sprayed with URcologne!! and flowers or somethingoccasionally.
18. Treat her the same around your friends as you do when you're alone!
19. Look her in the eyes and smile.
20. Hang out with her on weekends

21.Kiss her in the rain (girls love this)
22.Kiss her just for the heck of it
23.If your listening to music, let her listen too.
24. Remember her birthday and get her something,even if its' simple and inexpensive, it came from YOU.It means all the world to HER.
25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas,or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it,even if you don't (it'll make her happy.)
26. Always call her when you say you will,it may not seem like it, but it does hurt her and makes her think you don't care so call evenif you can only talk for a minute.Girls don't necessarily have tohave hour long conversations every nightbut its nice for us to hear your voice even for a quick hello.
27. Give her wat she wants.
28. Recognize the small things . . .they usually mean the most.
29. Don't ever hug her friends or your friends that are girls cause she'll feel left out n upset(even if she doesnt say it).
30. Hang out with her whenever you are free and u should be free to hang wit your girlfriend all the time!

31.If u care about her...SHOW her!
32.Do keep in contact even though both of you already breakup.

izzit true that all gals would want this? =S

2008-02-22T17:22:00.006+08:00

i dun understand why eu cant tell me everything? why must eu hide from me when i asked eu? what am i to eu? cant eu just tell me everything? i really dun understand why? izzit eu dun trust me ? or to eu, im not the Kexin eu used to noe le? its not the first time eu lie n hide things from me le. Haiis. im totally disappointed in you... all i can say is everyone had changed. Heartache. Sigh!

V`days____14o2o8

went to his house early in the morning. had been dragging till afternoon 3 plus den we went for our lunch n movie. our lunch n movie was nice. =) After the movie went hill. was tiring climbing up. lOls. Den on the bus towards Jp to meet bann n Jian Liang. in the bus he told me a story.. after hearing i feel so ???... wont elaborate. But on this special day we actually quarrel for a total of 8 times!! we wasted alot of time too! Haiis. Somemore we had actually plan to do scrub together, buy couple wear, take neo-prints n share food de. In the end we didnt do any of the things we planned. haiis. thinking of it now.. makes me feel its a lousy day for me siahhs. haiis. =( holding hands with him walking pass so many couples i have a small happy feeling. i feel so happy for them when i saw them carrying flowers, bears n balloon in their hands. I saw 62 gals carrying flowers or bears or balloon in their hands. Wow! my mum got 3 flowers man! My dad still buy a box of chocolate for her. so sweet man!!! my ahhbann oso enjoyed her V'day ah. =D feel so happy for them ehs. im just sad we didnt managed to do the plans we have set. Haiis. and laidat we wasted our FIRST V'day. Sobbs.ur promise to me that eu wont gamble anymore i hope its true. =)

dOuu`bann 11 Years friendship____16o2o8

For the past 11 Years we have been giving in, enduring, cold war, angry, happy, crying, crazy, etc... i thank god i met eu! thank god for letting eu come into my life n fill it with lotsa of challenges! no matter its raining day or sunny day, eu nv failed to stand by me! thankks alOtts ahhbann! i strongly believe no one will break us easily, cuss the trust we have for each other is gaining n not dropping! Dun worried bout the drama tat shows their friendship is very weak. cuss i really believe that no matter what happen, we will surely hold hand in hand n walk over it together. Just like im ur Rightie, eu are my Leftie, no one can seperate us! Loves!

This day we went for our Pizza! hahaas. its FREE!! lOls. wont elaborate. after that went to buy Vday present for her n she bought for me too! its a blue bear for me n pink bear for her. =)) she kept calling me 'laOopo' all along makes me so paiseh man. hahaas. but i love it lahhs! hehees. =x we were wearing the same tops. 'Thank for Everything'. =) Yea! feel so happy that day. although we were hanging out with each other for 5hours n inside Jurong Point but it was FUN! especially when we take turns to fetch each other in her bicycle. lOls! it was FUN lahhs! =D

ps: will post foto if i have it

Darling Bday_____17o2o8

hohoOs. Bann, Jian Liang n me helps him to celebrate his FIRST birthday celebration with friends. hahaas. its a SURPRISE for him. Our special birthday song for him. hehees. Bann n me managed to act well ehs. lOls. especially the small heart strawberry cake. Yummy!Nice man! Gave him my present too. I dunno what's his feeling oso lehhs. he didnt say much on this. He just feel paiseh n happy, thats all. feel like the effort i put in didnt come out with the outcome i want ehs. hahaas. i noe i think too much lahhs. as long as i had done my part can le. Darling! as long as eu have me, ur birthday wont be so lonely n normal le! ill make eu look forward to ur next n next next next birthday de. =D

ps:will post photo if i got it

the FIRST time eu wrote that vulgar language to me. it deeply hurts me. i cant understand how can eu wrote it out so easily n send to me. in the past, eu wont do this to me. no matter how angry eu are, eu wont even say it to me. haiis. i told eu before i hate it. but eu continue scolding it. what makes eu change ? i dun understand... ... =((

yesterday eu told me bout ur tight schedule after this month makes me so so ?????? ........ haiis. i can feel that the days i nv want is coming soon. i really hope we would come out with a better solution. God Bless Please!

Darling! Let's build our business up together! back to back helping each other battle! i help eu, eu help me. hahaas. gan qing bu san! lOls. =x Promise? Ok? Set? =)) Loves eu!

True Love is hard to come by______________________ n i FOUND eu! my ONE n ONLY __

2008-02-11T18:08:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!! =D

how did eu all spent ur New Year? Happy? must be getting alot of ang bao ehs? hohoos! =)) i didnt really celebrate my New Year happily too. was just trying to make my day as busy as i can but i failed! wont elaborate.

Well, the third day of New Year was not fun oso. shud say i didnt enjoy myself bahhs. or shud say i dun wanna enjoy myself. seeing him totally spoilt my mood. not i dun wanna see him..but... the feeling just wasnt right. wont explain any further. had a quarrel with her too. cuss im already not happy le den still wasting my time staying in the house doing nothing. i was like WHAT THE HELL !! >.< the movie was NICE lahhs!! hahas. Cute too!

yesterday went for a movie with Jia Xian n Xian Hao. Its been so long since we three gather together man! hahas. it was FUN lahhs! Especially inside Toysrus we play the musical board. lOls. hope there are more outings coming up. den i wont feel boring again le. =))

Guess wad! Today i went for my Motor-Practical Training. I PASS man!!! wahahaahhahs. after failing for 3times n i FINALLY pass man! Gotta noe that actually some instructors will gu yi fail eu . EEeeeees........

2008-02-05T00:44:00.000+08:00

i tot at least i can meet up with eu tomorrow cuss we didnt get to meet up for 2 days le. eu told me eu are working at night. at least in the morning we can meet up! but hu noes.. NOW!! eu tell me eu are working morning shift too!! i understand eu wanna earn more money. what bout me? i tot at least there's changes... but... haiis... forget it... theres no difference at all... take it im not understanding.. take it im unreasonable... Arghhs !!!

finally eu brings ur first word to me, 'kexin, want to eat mahhs?' i feel so happy n sweet! thankks alOtts! i noe im shy.. but bear with it please... i love eu !

2008-02-04T22:22:00.000+08:00

Sigh! my dear xiao wei went Malaysia le. I MISS HER !!! im missing her badly!! =(( when will the earth turn faster to 10 feb !! i so much wanted to see eu now! i miss eu dear !!

this chinese new year gonna be meaningless. i tot chinese new year shud be happy n high? haiis. watching tv at home. or going out alone? i wanna go esplanade n chinatown for countdown. but my siblings find it boring den dun wanna go. He's working.. She's overseas.. im going alone again. i wanna bang wall man!! maybe lie inside the hospital till 10 Feb den discharged den meet up with her. At least after that i wont be feeling lonely.. Arghhs.... im feeling lonely again... how cum this stupid feeling kept coming up to me.

Any program coming up this week? I WANNA GO OUT !!! Just anywhere.

IM TURNING MAD !!!! bring me to mental hospital man!!! Arghhs!!! my heart is unbalance now!!!

2008-01-28T02:13:00.000+08:00

i've been trying hard to endure all this months. trying hard to give in n accepting but in the end what did i get? there is still hurts going on. i didnt blame him at all!! seriously i DO love him. but what he has done for me? did i get the happiness i want? his answer to eu ' den what eu want me to do?' makes me feel like im in the wrong AGAIN !!! i would start to ask myself, where did i go wrong? eu all always ask me to think of something happy! YES! i did! i really do think of something happy. but can this 'something happy' hold me for the rest of my days? at least now i noe... being alone sitting in the bus is also a good way to relieve my pain. although there might be pains too... but ill be able to pull through!! if ONE day i do fall... please give me a hand.

seeing eu post that photo of us makes me feel so sweet! thanks ahhbann! its true that keeping myself away from eu all im feeling better. at least i wont think too much. im not playing mia n keeping quiet. i just feel that this problems doesnt involve anyone especially eu! ahh bann! it doesnt involve eu! i dun wan becos of my problem makes the both of eu quarrel again n giving bad impression of him. keeping silent is better for both parties. i noe eu would say it wont helps any better. but for now.. i really wish to be in peace. i really wish to stay away from anything! i dun wan any pain to come in le. im keeping myself freeze for some time. for sometime only ahh bann. let me be bahhs.

eu are not useless! believe me! eu may think eu cant help. but actually eu did help me alot! at least eu would tell me 'if im in ur shoes.... ... etc" laidat im okaees le. at least i noe im not thinking too much. i cant tell eu whether eu are doing the right thing. but i noe if i were in ur shoes, i would be like eu too! as long as eu tell me ' I WILL BE THERE', thats enuff for me le.
say truely, actually im not that good either. i didnt really protect eu from guys n pains too. im only there with eu giving eye of assurance that "IM HERE!" thats all my dear!
dun worry bout me dear. although im fighting my own battle, maybe in a wrong way, but thinking of eu really makes me feel xing fu le! i really thanks GOD for sending eu to me! im not as cheerful as before, i noe! but in front of my siblings, i do bring a strong face! dun worry!

after hearing so many of the consolation n reading books. maybe for other gals may find me stupid! in the past, i noe very clearly i wont be like this too. but after i met him... he change my life thoroughly! he messed up my life giving me no choice to walk. after so many so many.. my answer is ' I DUN WANNA LOSE HIM'.i noe im making myself miserable.
eu may say im stupid! eu may say im not worthy! for anything eu say, i still choose to go on! i promise him before no matter wad i wont leave him! n this is for sure! i noe i love him alOtts. he didnt even give me the space to breathe. i dunno if im doing the right decision. just tell me ' EU WOULD BE THERE!'

ill pull through! ill stay strong!

2008-01-27T01:04:00.000+08:00

today im going to tell eu all a story about a gal n a guy.

the story goes on like this...
they started their relationship happily with the blessing from their friends.they have
separation, sadness, happiness n quarrels too. The RULES they set:

1)Never say break up no matter how serious both parties quarrelled

2) never say the past thing of both parties

3) tackle on the cause/ problems and not the person

4) no discriminations

5) never raise voice towards your other half

On their FIRST month, the guy told the gal his promise n feelings towards her. it goes
laidat:

* Half of wad i am is made up of wad eu are!

* i Just cant figure out how my life would be without eu!

* You are the melody of my life!

* the day since eu have me, eu wont be alone!

* i will never stop loving you and never regretted choosing eu. Eu are the best choice i could ask for.

* Put urself in my shoes and you wont go wrong, ill guide eu along the way. whatever happens, eu will always be loved by me. My heartbeat is a representative of my lovefor eu!

* eu have the power to control my playing time. You are my Girlfriend! My life is given to eu now! My everything is urs now!im like a robot with the remote controller given to eu!

* ill send eu for motor training. that's my job! =)

* when arguements take place, i will sit back calmly and think of a solution!

the Second month nearing their THIRD month, e gal went overseas for a couples of days with her family! She arrives back in Singapore on their THIRD month, during the days without the gal, the guy write a letter full of feelings towards her. that day he met up with him n pass to her. it goes laidat:

* Eu are the most caring, best, suitable and the gal i would ever wan!

* Will eu promise to take care of me Forever? I promise i will do the same to you!

* An apple a day keeps the doctor away, seeing eu everyday keeps the cloud away.

* Everyhing i do is worth as long as i have your smile.

* My Weekend seems so strange without ur presence. so used to seeing eu all the time but we didnt even get to meet for 5 days le lOhhs! OMG!

Quarrelling takes place On their FOURTH month. after their quarreling the guy told the gal, it goes laidat:

* No matter wad happens i will be there for eu. i will always be the special someone eu can share all ur things with.

* I wanna treat eu and care for eu even better than last time.

* i want to make eu the most happiest woman in the world.

* i will be a tall pillar in which eu can depend on.

* LaOogOng cant do without LaOopo. eu are my shoulder.

* Eu are more impt than myself.

* i promise to give eu the protected feeling that eu lost before.

AFter so many promises n feeling he had told the gal, she came to noe its not true! she cant control his playing time. Not ONCE he sends her for motor training. Recently when arguements take place, he just got angry n hang the fone! He told the gal before his weekend seems strange without her presence. but now, the guy told her 'Even if not meeting up for 7 days is also okaees for me! 'he told her he will be the special someone to share her things, but when she really do shares her things, she got negative comments from him n even scoldings. he told her he will treat n care for her better, but none is working good. he told her he wil be a tall pillar to lean on, but the actions he shows the gal, she hesitated!Everytime after the guy understand the gal more and get disappointed for himself, he takes no changes too. he is always not there when she needs her badly. but she still love the guy alots!

Then, this friend came in n asked the gal:

did he give eu what eu want? when eu need someone badly, is he there? are eu happy with him? can he give eu happiness?eu are 18 years old! eu still have a long way to go! eu have others to choose too. why not just shortcut ur pain? why make urself so miserable? why not just break up?

the gal got really angry n heartpain after hearing this. She noes very clearly she love the guy alOtts! she dun wanna lose him at all! Den she told her friend:

HOW CAN EU SAY THIS!!! we are not breaking the FIRST rule!

her friend replies:

hmms. from here i saw one thing, eu love him alOtt! and he lOve eu alOtt! but nevermind! since eu love him so much, den eu must give him time to change! he may not understand what to do now, but im sure ONE day he may comes to noe!eu may be very miserable now, but maybe after the miserable period, ur future may be full of happiness!

she answered: i noe!

she noes very clearly he will change. it takes time too! but when will it be? 1 year? 5 years? or 10 years? she needs to stand the pain for how long? she needs to stay in the pain for how long? seeing her friends all living so happily with their partner, how will she feel? seeing their partners treating them so nice, how will she feel? the Changes in him makes her so xing ku! the changes in him just came too fast! not having his care n concern. not having his love makes her feel so pain. why does he treat her laidat? thinking she is strong enuff to hold the pain? or its okaees to hurts her cuss she will heal by the time. he's killing her deeply! this story may sound familiar to somebody. what's ur point of view to this story?she deserves it? he's right in doing this? he has his reason in doing this? he really change? etc... ...

today on the way to gym, eu called me teling me to meet up. i say dun wan. i have my reason in saying this. eu expect me to meet up with eu as if nothing has happen to me? or bringing a long face to meet eu? eu dun even noe how i spend my days miserably wanting so much to see eu! den today eu just call n say " lets meet up today! i have time!" what am i to eu? a person that can only meet up with eu only when eu have time? must book eu too? thinking after meeting up we will be back to normal? holding hands joking around walking in streets? i cant do it! i just cant do it! after telling eu i dun wanna meet up, eu hang ur fone once AGAIN!!! eu didnt even care how i feel! on my way home, i accidently send eu the msg that is supposed to send to xiao wei saying im not well! i cant believe ur reply could be ... ... !!! it really do shocks me n HURTS me deeply!!! Eu really change!!!! Eu are not the person i used to noe! where are eu?! eu never understand the pain im having!

-为你付出那种伤心你永远不了解!-

i just got to learn something from Lishao last week. =))

* thoughs that is unknown by people is equal to zero!

* 要学会珍惜才来后悔!

* 事情发生不是单方面的!

* 幸福是要为此的!

* 幸福不是必然的!需要每一天为此!

* 配合对方! 慢慢学会聊天!

* 事情发生就发生了!Focus on solution.事情解决过后,回去看一看!学会什么! ( 辛苦在一起,为什么会这样?)

2008-01-25T16:03:00.000+08:00

was at home ROTTING !!!! hahaas. was dam bOring n LONELY!!! lonely! i am so lonely! i have nobody!! on my own..... ooooo.......... hahaas.

but im happy that im going out with my secondary school friends next tuesday ehs!!! Damn Excited lOhhs!!! iMiss those Olden days with them. eating breakfast n lunch together. Playing Catching at IMM. having MAcdonald together. lOts n lOts of MEMORIES !!! i really do miss eu all!!!

Just went to view my friendster testimonal n comments. *smiling* it brightens up my days! from their testimonal, i remembered the past me. lOls. the tann, playful, cheerful, kind, nonsense, fierce, act cool, caring etc. lOls. thanks to those friends that had walk past with me this few years. Special thankks to the ONES that i had been close with since Sec 1-4! i miss the days after school being bullied by eu. water splashing by driver. 2.4km run. Cross Country. run away from school. quarrels in school. making trouble together. joking around with eu. playing with my hair. shooting people. void deck seeing eu all smoking *OMG* mixed around with bad companys. pinching eu. beating eu. scolding eu. scolded by eu. running away n hiding from teacher. lOts n lOts n lOts!! especially during break time, staying in class eating the bee hoon together. taking bus home together. playing basketball together. cycle me around. sprain my arms. n many many many! its Just too much CREATED BY EU! EU! EU ! EU! EU! n EU! i MISS eu GUYS!!

where are eu? im missing eu real much! when will the days come again? I hate eu!!! how can eu treat me like this! leaving me alone like a LONELY girl without anyone! do eu noe how unbearable it is? eu came into my life n tell me all the promises.. but now? why has it become an empty shell? eu told me eu would make a new experience for our love life which i will never expected coming from eu! Yes! eu did it! i really didnt expected it would be in this way! =(( im DAM DOWN !!!
i love eu Mr Changed

this song is specially for my dear AHH BANN de !! rmb me telling eu this song? dunno why this few days i kept thinking of eu lehhs! ahh bann! im LONELY man! I MISS YOU !!!

im thinking of eu.... LEE XIAO WEI.. AHH BANN!!! lOvees~

2008-01-17T14:24:00.000+08:00

yesterday is another waterfall for me AGAIN! i hate this type of me! i dun understand why eu all cant accept him! i dun understand why cant eu stand in my shoes n think. and stop using the ASSUME to say me! i HATE it! i seriously hate it! was unable to relax my mind. At home in my room kept crying. msg him TWICE ! he didnt call me at all! he didnt even noe how much i need him.

went out of my house to relax my mood. den i saw Xian Hao below my house again. i tot i could control my tears, but my eyes were swollen n red. walking towards him n ask ' why were eu here?' den he replies'why eu cried?!' i shouted at him 'IM ASKING EU WHY ARE YOU HERE!!' den i walk off without controlling my tears. he chase after me calling out my names twice! Thankks Xian Hao! and... ... im really sorry for shouting at eu twice which this matters doesnt concern eu at all. im really sorry. im really in a lousy mood yesterday! ill stay HAPPY! =))

kept walking n walking alOne around the HDB flat crying den i came to a car park near to the big playground. standing up there, looking at the stars, crying. starting to think 'what had actually happen to me? all this that happen izzit what i wish for? where are you?!!' bout 1 hour den i walk home slowly. back home, i tot i would be alright. but not at all. the tears is still falling.i called eu n asked 'not sleeping ah?' eu replies in that normal tone, 'going le lOhhs. why?' im totally... ... telling eu ' nothing. go sleep lOhhs! ' den i called ahh bann, she never pick up due to some reason. i can understand.

have eu ever tried understanding me? i've tried understanding you. but eu just wont let me go into ur world. Do eu understand e stress im having? do eu noe what my heart really wants? when i needed eu real much, where are eu? when im having stress with my motor, where are you? when im stress, where are you? when im inside my room crying, where are you? when im sick, where are you? i'll help eu to answer!!! You are sleeping, shopping and work!!!
i can understand eu have stress n unhappiness too! but! did eu tried sharing it with me? you would rather share with her than me! what am i in ur heart? Just another person? or stranger? if i wanna see ur real n bright smile, only she is able to do it!! Eu told me, she n I are different! How are we differernt? she's ur most precious person n im just another person? Arent I important to eu too?!!!

i just hope eu can really change for the better! please!!

please take care of urself! im really worried bout eu! i hope eu will really be happy always! please! im begging eu! im started to get very very worried bout eu le! God bless eu please!!!

dun think that eu really noes me well when eu actually dont! eu dun understand the fear, the stress, the sadness n the things i actualy want! Please dun show me as if eu really do UNDERSTAND me when EU DONT at all!!

what should i do? i feel that i need to see a counsellor. am i having heart problem? Arghhs! Stupid me!

2008-01-15T22:29:00.000+08:00

yesterday just got a 'big present' from my dad! was deeply HURTS !! his words really bring lots of hurt too all of my siblings plus me. he says 生人没有生脑! 你们这些人真的是没有用!一个一个都是没有脑的!全部都是小偷！不可以相信的！ told xiao wei bout our childhood monsters memories! (被爸爸‘虐待’)she was kind of shock n can finally understand how we walk thru le bahhs. nothing much to say bout this too! i just hope his words wont be so harsh anymore le.

heard from someone saying he dun lyk him always insulting people n straightforward. he dislikes this kind of him. but other areas he is still ok with it. maybe one day he will tell him how he thinks bout him! and maybe one day he'll change for the better !

it doesnt feel good when people thinks bad about urself! they may not understand eu n anyhow give negative thoughts bout eu. but it seriously hurts too when somehow this person eu noe is quite close. any misunderstanding cant be solved too! so i really wish eu would not think so much bout anyone! n TRUST everyone around eu. just like the way eu wish people will treat eu. any happy or dislikes just says out freely n openly. dun hide it inside ur heart! eu may not noe, ur words can change someone too! dun be hesitate to do this. eu might be afraid the ship may break but do eu noe, TRUE friends pick on ur bad points n correct eu ! eu can do it! we can do it too! dun say eu dun have any good friend, if eu feel like giving us a 'just friend' medal, we accept it toO! cuss we noe, we'll stil treat eu as our 'good friend'. n IM SURE one day we will get promoted in ur heart too ! We can do it! so can eu ! Smile! =)

people tends to take things for granted! 生在福中不知福！ why izzit laidat?!

2008-01-14T00:00:00.000+08:00

taken at the wedding dinner

(from left to right: Ke Jing, Wen Qi n me )

having alOt of things to write. but... ... i dunno how to start too. its too complicated for the past few days. alOt of things happen.

2008-01-09T23:01:00.000+08:00

came across this mail send by Jian Liang:

there are 4 things eu cannot be recover.

The Stone After the throw !
The Word After its Said !
The Time After Its Gone !
The Occassion After the Loss !

Ju Yee helps me to Suan Ming ehs! =)) im the person that:
一直追求成功, 不知足, 经常在压力重重的环境下劳碌, 有许多的机会并有能力, 很情绪化, 乐观, 思想开放, 很有教养, 办事能力高, 不够细心.

really? some i find it true! but some.. i dunno! lOls. =D

put urself in other peoples shoes ! bear this in mind guys ! im refering to EU !!!

2008-01-07T18:22:00.000+08:00

i guess i really miss eu too much le bahhs. hearing ur voice makes me feel tat eu are actually so near but yet so far. dunno wad im saying too. nvm.

hearing ur voice makes me so happy. happy till tears run out n still keeping quiet showing im fine. talking in that stupid manner eu dun like. but i didnt meant it. cuss im really too happy to FINALLY hear ur voice as i nv heard any of ur news n voice for the past five days. silly me!

shud say thanks to xiao wei for keeping me accompany today. was a boring day though but with Jian liang, her n her sis makes it brighter again. =))

wanted to tell eu at the very first minute that i had pass my practical training which i had a hard time always. thinking maybe eu would susprised me by waiting for me at driving center but no. wasnt that disppointed lahhs. cuss expected de. lOls. kept keeping to myself wanting to tell eu in person n wanted eu to noe n share my joy but cant le. haiis. cuss i had already told jian liang when he ask me today.

i feel im really dead the past few days. so DAMN DAMN boring staying at home!!! anyone free to ask me out ? !!! Just anyone!!! im really going to be dead le!!!! Arghhs!!!!

went to singapore airlines website that day. theres an interview for stewardess on 27 January. was quite nervous n still deciding. maybe need more opinion. or maybe after my exams? or after my driving lesson? or after taking my degree course? or... ...? dunno too! im too messy bout my future path.

wasnt feeling well this few days. stomach pain. flu. cough. =((

an apple a day keeps e doctor away. =))

2008-01-04T13:52:00.001+08:00

2007 just ended. suddenly had a thinking telling me, ' i went thru January to December not that easily den comes January again. =x lOls. Stupid thinking uh?

Our first Chalet with him, her, them, they was really fun! especially countdown n when we are starting to have our steamboat. "kai dong lahhs!" with the claps, laughter, quarrelling, crying, blinking of eyes, falling, screaming, cycling, watching stars n many more. it was FUN lahhs! its unforgetable for him n her especially ME !! Our First Time !! =))

seems like without him our life would be more peaceful. the moment he's back, all the shouting, scolding n beatings is back too. yesterday wasnt feeling well, after buying my dinner with my siblings, back home. He started shouting n beatings.
why do he beat? everyone must be wondering right?
just becos my brother(big) came home late without informing.
on the way home, i still have confident telling my brother, he wont beat him cuss he's grown up le. but my guess is wrong. he still get beaten up by him. my guess was seriously wrong!
Seeing him get beaten up i so much so much wanted to pull my brother away n stop him from getting beaten. his tears n 'dun wan! i wont come home late le', makes my heart pain. but seeing the red n angry face of his plus the strenght he beaten him up, i back out. He started shouted again! saying we are useless! the older we are, the more useless we are!
Are we really that useless in his eyes?
i walk into the toliet n drop my tears(i need eu at that moment). it just seems like the dark sky is coming AGAIN !!! we are back to the past.
After the beatings, he suddenly called everyone out. Asking me with that tone of his which i hate alOt " why is our house fone not working?!!" i answered, "i dunno!". Den he reply, " dunno right? very good! since house fone cant be use den handphone mind as well dun use!"
Everyone kept quiet! thinking maybe he isnt serious at all!
i went into the toliet again, to change into my pyjamas. He suddenly shouted again, " everyone no need to use fone, switch off ur fone n put inside my room."
i got very very sad n angry, " telling myself Oh my God! how is he going to contact me? how is she going to contact me?" but still no choice, i get v angry, switch off my fone, straight into my dad'd room put my handphone down and leave the room without looking at him!! (thinking im cool?)

everyone got v down n upset. im equally sad too. i seems to being watched by him! still have to bear the shoutings, beatings! when can everything comes to an end? im 18 lehhs ! not 8 years old lehhs! yes! eu are right in saying " im 18! 懂事一点" eu are not in my shoes!
i can say out confidently, if anything happens to eu, would eu approach me firstly? would eu tell me everything at one go? i can say its NO !!! ur reaction will be the same as me, telling me " u're fine!" or eu may not even voiced out anything! thats ur pattern everytime. why izzit eu would wish people around eu to voiced out their worries n sadness to eu den eu wont do any? eu always say, " it takes two hands to clap", why arent eu doing the same things?

knowing that eu are moving this weekend, shock me! this shows that whenever i wanna find eu, i cant see eu in 5 minutes time! when something happens, i cant meet up with eu that fast le. if anything happen in eu, i cant be there so fast too ! i guessed the most happy person would be ur parents n Jian Liang le bahhs! its good to move house, eu can see him anytime eu wan, just like how we two are doing. its just like a cycle. For me n him, still the same. nothing changes. Just that when i move house, he will need more time to walk to my house. or ...? dunno too. its tough on him i noe!

i noe im being selfish on wanting to see eu more everytime without thinking of the long journey eu take, and back home alone in the dark.

why must there be shoutings n screaming? saying this, it make me remembered that day eu shouted at me when crossing the road. it hurts me badly! its the first time eu shouted at me.
will there be the second n third times? have we forgotten the five rules?
that day watching the sea, ur heart is messy, when are eu ready to tell me? or eu dun wish to tell me? just a word from eu and ill noe!

Everyone must be happily welcoming Chinese New Year! Its a great n happy day for all Chinese! but for my family, should say its another public day bahhs still need to stay at home facing him. what does reunion dinner means? does it occur in my family?

Seeing ur family so unite together. i had a mo ming de xian mu. how i wish my family would be laidat too. i dun say its his fault who break this family up n making the relationship worsen but i would say everyone bears a part!
Some people dun treasure the happy times with their family. To me, how i wish My famliy would seat down on the same table n have a meal with their white teeth showing out. Nv leave the table until everyone is full! this wont happen, i noe. maybe my future family? when im a mama? hu noes?
its true that family divorce will bring yin yin to the children. will we still believe in marriage? will our girlfriend/boyfriend treat us so good even after marriage? will there be beatings after marriage? will our children suffer in my or husband's hands? will we have the same outcome?
my parents dun believe that divorce will bring any problem to us. in the past i feel that too. cuss its adult's problem, it has nothing to do with us either. but slowly growing up, i started to believe it really brings harm to children!!

i really wish to relax my thinking! but i guess it doesnt helps any better. after relaxing, facing him with the shoutings m scolding n beatings, makes me Arghhs!

staying at home would be the best solution. no one will get worried for me. ill take care of myself!

Missing eu !! <3

2007-12-28T22:34:00.000+08:00

HAPPY FOURTH MONTH TO ME N HIM !!

eu nv failed to make my days full of sweetness!

lOvee You !!

2007-12-23T22:32:00.000+08:00

Christmas Dont Be Late !!! =))

anyway, we are not celebrating Christmas le due to some problems. its quite sad lahhs. but think again, also good lahhs. can save everyone's money. stay at home rest oso can right?

eu told me eu treat her more better den us is because she needs lotsa love. den wad bout us? wad bout me? seeing eu two always chatting, playing together so happily makes me feel so much like an extra or shall say a maid!! eu makes me feel im not apart of eu at all!!

seeing eu always treating him laidat makes me hard. eu may not noe how i feel, cuss i nv tell eu at all. i told eu i will surely tell eu everything, theres a moment i really did pour everything to eu! but wad did i get from eu? laugh n negative comments! are eu really the one? can eu please spare some thoughts for others n stop treating him so stranger? he didnt do anything to eu too! he's just a simple guy!

spent another boring day again. doing housework. watching tv. studying., no different from my past life too. im trying to get used to the days without him le.. n im sick of being sad again. i told myself not to rely too much on eu.. n finally i've really did my best! applause to me*

have alot to write. but... haiis... cant think of anything at the moment. have been spending my seconds, minutes n hours so slowly... ... anyone free to come over my house, just knock on my door. n ill welcome eu! sianns.. im just too SIANNS !!!!! understand? SIANNS !!!

2007-12-20T21:29:00.000+08:00

如果留下多一秒钟

可以减少明天想你的痛

我会愿意放下所有

交换任何一丝丝可能的占有

爱是一万公顷的森林

迷了路的却是我和你

full of feelings to write. but... its just too much until i dunno where to start le. everything is making me so puzzled!

sometimes it isnt good to talk too much. sometimes its better to hide ur sadness n worried. sometimes... ... sometimes... sometimes...

怎麽忍心怪你犯了错
怎麽忍心让你受折磨
是我给你自由过了火

我害怕一个人
为何不肯
轻轻唤我一声安慰

counting down to Christmas 5 days... ... ...

2007-12-19T20:12:00.000+08:00

i noe im a gal hu will fall in love easily. but at the same time i treated every relationship seriously! But cant eu all sense it!

rmb in my pervious post, i mentioned its hard to understand a person. Do eu all agree with me that it takes years to understand someone? Some may say a few years. But how long is a few years? 3 years? or 5 years? or more? Although i noe Ahhbann for 10 years, but do we really understand each other tat much? people around us might envy our friendship that can hold for so long and might even say, "of cos understand lahhs!" But to Ahh bann n me? i guessed our answer to this question is, " we are still learning!".

Wad do CARE really mean? by asking "how are you? "or " Are you fine?"
tats wad we called CARE? or there are different meaning in CARE?

Sometimes good news isnt worth to be happy about. Everytime when good news reach my ear, it will followed by bad news. why is that so? why is this world so unfair?

Sometimes or i shud say everytime, whenever i sees them, i would envys them! I dunno why either. or maybe i dunno how lucky am i bahhs...

have eu people think of commit sucide? like, cut ur hand, eat lOts of pills, drown urself, dash out to the road, hang urself, etc...
Have anybody thought of? if you had not, den maybe eu are leading a happy life and eu noe how fortunate eu are. For those people who would think of commit sucide, i shud say its STUPID!!! Because this is avoiding and hiding!! im not pointing at anyone, cuss i myself have thought of it too.
Wad's the point? Why not stand upright and face it bravely? No one can knock eu down unless eu want it urself! think of ur love ones! will they cry a few days and forget eu? eu hold an important part in everyone's heart! Everywhere we go, there woud be shadow of EU!!
What i believe is, when eu are about to die, or have think of dying, the person that came into ur mind, is the person that eu wouldnt bear to LOSE!!! Touch ur heart and ask yourself!!

I know what ur answer is. And i noe im not the person that eu dont wish to lose! maybe ur other friends? maybe ur family? maybe ur hu n hu? i dunno! its ok too! i dun blame eu n i have never think of blaming eu either. Ur decision is correct! I respect it too! As long as eu would treasure me and hold me tight when eu are still around in this world! thats all i ask for! =))

Everyone told me eu are a straightforward person! Wouldnt care for other people's feeling. i didnt believe it at first! Just treated them as joking and helping eu to say some nice words to let them have more good image on eu den bad image. Till that day!!! den i found out, eu are indeed a straightforward person. Just saying out everything you like, not caring whether the other party get hurts!!

What kind of family leads to wad kind of person eu are! Just like me, i came from a strict, little care, full of jokes, full of quarrels, full of beating's family! people near me may noe the situation in my house. Seeing friend's around me so close with their parents make me envy's so much!! i would always tell myself, " why cant i do that? ", " why cant i joke with my parents? " I TRIED !!! i did tried! but what did i get in the end? Who cares! glum face! thats all!!
I always remember LiShao's words, " change yourself first before changing others ". had i change? or not?
getting so many evil words from their mouth, 'no brain, stupid, lazy, good for nothing, etc..' makes me so fear!!! I dislike those words that remind of my past! i wanna hide my past! but its that stupid scar n face of me makes me remember everything!!!
i hate the scar they give! i hate the comments they gave when i went for singing competition! I just hate it!!

Seeing my family laidat, makes me worry toO! will my future be the same? copy n paste? i dun feel like thinking too much!! Time can change someone! Time can change someone's heart too!
Will my future have, ' no brain, stupid, lazy, good for nothing, etc.." ? this fear had followed me for the past 10 years! hadnt i think of leaving the house? yes i had..

i cant forget the.... .... they gave me!!

I JUST CANT GET RID OF THEM!!!
forget it! who would care so much bout my childhood fear! No one noes how hard it is! Who cares! Just throw in gabbage will do!

I just hate every every everything!!
Dont bother bout me!
Let me be crazy for a moment!

La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la ... ... ... .. ... ... . ... .. ..

Sometimes i really wish to be a witch who takes away everyone's happiness! I noe im evil and selfish. Just let me be for a moment!!
Please send me an angel...

I love You!!! <3

原来可以因为爱上一个人而改变

我其实任性其实爱哭其实腼腆

是你以为你了解我的全世界

我愿为你去学习忘记自己

继续努力

*_____ 你对爱的想法和我有了分岔 _____*

2007-12-19T01:21:00.000+08:00

some couple may say ' nv meet up for a few days oso wont die de mahhs!'
i agreed to it too! its true that we wont die! but have eu ppl ever think before, 'few days' ? izzit short or long?
some may say ' very short only wad!' , some may say 'wahhs! very lOng lehhs!'.
but do eu all noe 1 day is equal to 24 hours !!! if nv meet up for 3 days? is 72 hours!!!
theres alOtt of things to do in 24 hours!! wad about 72 hours? dun eu agree too? or eu dont?

people may say everyone have their things to attend to. its true! keeping each other in heart will do! Yes! but... ... are they couples? or friends? friends have their own things to attend to.. keeping each other in heart will do. isnt this wad everyone is doing? wad bout couples? the same method too? i think so...

read newspaper a few days ago. came upon this news that attracted me. " i dun go out with my boyfriend for movies, meals, shopping like wad other couples did! cuss everytime when i got home after work, i would be too exhausted to go anywhere, so i would rather stay at home den go out! even going downstairs with him for dinner i would even say No! cuss im really too tired le! "
seeing this news makes me stunt! i dun even noe wad would happen to us if that day really come to us! its true that keeping each other in heart is enuff le. but... ... haiis... ... ... forget it.. ...

some people tell lies because of good deed. some may lie for bad things. but isnt white lie n 'black' lie the same? arent they LIES too? why must there be lies in this world? making friends with lies will make people around eu lose trust on eu?

sometimes i really do HATE happiness!! surprised?! its because i found out.. everytime after i feel high n happy, the next moment sadness came up n bang me! why is that so? i seriously HATE disappointment!!!

from eu. i cant see the future picture of us. to me, i wish we have future! but the picture eu gave me is so blur. i cant seem to catch ur mind... sometimes i really find that i dun understand eu at all! whenever i feel that i understands eu, eu would prove by ur actions that im wrong! am i controlling eu too much? or im not understanding at all?

Everyone had a different role to play! Alone in the room. Playing games. in career. in schools. With friends. With siblings. With parents. With ur partners. Every single part we are acting on a different role. but which is actually thr true side of us? Adding them together? or? now den i noe.. its hard to understand someone!! haiis... ....

my mind is totally blank now! cant think of anything to post. maybe next time ill post more. i dunno too! Nitees everyOne! Good luCk for my exams tmr !!! *God Bless*

counting down to Christmas... 6 days...

2007-12-18T01:31:00.000+08:00

saw this in one of my friend's blog and find it TRUE !!! so i copy, paste n post it out !!! cherish ur lOve ones please !!!

[[ Please cherish what you have
and i'm saying this to no one in particular.
because we tend to hurt the ones we love most because we take them for granted,
thinking they'll always forgive us. ]]

saw this story from another friend's blog too! Which are eu? Leaf? Tree? or Wind?
The story of Leaf, Tree & Wind.

People call me “Tree”.
I had dated 5 girls when I was in Pre-U. There is one girl who I love alot but never dared to go after. She didn’t have a pretty face, good figure or an outstanding charm. She was just a very ordinary girl. I liked her. I really liked her. I liked her innocence, her frankness,her intelligence and her fragility. Reason for not going after her was that I felt somebody so ordinary like her was not a good match for me. I was also afraid that after we were together all the feelings would vanish. I was also afraid other’s gossip would hurt her.I felt that if she were my girl, she’d be mine ultimately & I didn’t have to give up everything just for her. The last reason, made her accompanying me for 3 years. She watched me chase other girls, and I have made her heart cry for 3 years.She was a good actor, and me a demanding director. When I kissed my second girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smiled & said, “Go on!” before running off. The next day, her eyes were swollen like a walnut. I did not want to know what caused her to cry. Laterthat day, I returned from soccer training to get something & watched her cry in the classroom for an hour or so. My fourth girlfriend did not like her. There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that based on her character she is not the type that will start the quarrel.However, I still sided my girlfriend. I shouted at her & ignored her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she was laughing & joking with me like nothing happened. I know she was hurt but she did not know deep down inside I was hurt too. When I broke up with my fifth girlfriend, I asked her out. Later that day, I told her I had something to tell her. I told her about my break up. Coincidentally, she has something to tell me too, about her getting together..I knew who the person was. His pursuit for her had been the talk of the School. I did not show her my heartache, just smiles & best wishes. Once I reached home, I could not breathe. Tears rolled & I broke down. How many times have I seen her cry for the man who did not acknowledge herpresence?During graduation, I read a SMS in my mobile. It said, “Leaf’s departure is because of Wind’s pursuit. Or because Tree didn’t ask her to stay”

Leaf..

People call me Leaf..
During the 3 years of Pre-U, I was on very close terms with a guy asbuddy kind. However, when he had his first girlfriend, I learnt a feeling I never should have learnt – Jealousy. Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 months. When they broke up, Ihide my happiness. But after a month, he got together with another girl. I liked him & I know he liked me. But why won’t he pursue me? Since he loves me why he didn’t he make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt. After some time, I began to suspect that this was one-sided love. If he didn’t like me, why did he treat me so well? It’s beyond what you will normally do for a friend. I know his likes, his habits. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can’t expect me a girl, to ask him. Despite that, I still wanted to be by his side. Care for him, accompany him, and love him. Hoping that one day, he will come to love me. Because of this, I waited for him. Sometimes, I wondered if I should continue waiting. The pain, the dilemma accompanied me for 3 years.At the end of my 3rd year, a junior pursues me. Everyday he pursues me. He’s like the cool & gentle wind, trying to blow off a leaf from a tree. In the end, I realized that I wanted to give this wind a small footing in my heart. I know the wind will bring the leaf to a better land. Finally, leafleft the tree, but the tree only smiled & didn’t ask me to stay.Leaf’s departure is because of Wind’s pursuit. Or cause Tree didn’t ask her to stay..

Wind..

People call me Wind..
Because I like a girl called leaf. Because she’s so dependent on tree,so I have to be a gust wind. A wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was 1 month after I was transferred to this new school. I saw a petite person looking at my seniors & me playing soccer. During ECAOne day, she didn’t appear. I felt something missing. I can’t explain the feeling except it’s a kind of uneasiness. The senior was also not there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her. Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw her at herusual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her. Took out a note & gave to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled & accepts the note. The next day, she appeared & passes me a note and left.It read, “Leaf’s heart is too heavy and wind couldn’t blow her away..”“It’s not that leaf heart is too heavy. It because leaf never want to leave tree.” I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls. I know that the person she loves is not me. But I have this perseverance that one day I will make her like me.Within 4 months, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times.Every time, she will divert away from the topic. But I never give up.If I decide I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over. I can’t remember how many times I have declared my love to her. Although I know, she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of hope.Hoping that she will agree to be my girlfriend. I didn’t hear any reply from her over the phone. I asked, “What are you doing? How come you didn’t want to reply?” She said, “I’m nodding my head”. “Ah?” I couldn’t believe my ears. “I’m nodding my head” She replied loudly. I hang up the phone, quickly changed and took a taxi and rush to her place & press her doorbell.During the moment when she opens the door, I hugged her tightly.Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn’t ask her to stay…

so eu are? izzit true that 被爱是幸福，爱人是痛苦? which stage are eu in den?

2007-12-17T01:37:00.000+08:00

still rmb in the ealiest blog i mentioned bout me having fun at West Coast for Meng Hock's Bbq? lOls. just got this 4 pics to post first. the rest is on the way... ... =))

without eu, i wouldnt noe wad is the meaning of 'Xing Fu'

i lOve You <3

等一个人多么孤单, 我一分钟又一分钟在忍耐

ahh douu and ahh bann! <3

there would be no laughter without eu! Lets be CRAZY !!!

Forever`Couple

Short to Tall ?? =x

counting down to christmas... 8 days

2007-12-14T20:32:00.000+08:00

anyOne celebrating Christmas this Dec 25? Any idea on where to go? i cant think of anywhere to go. as long as he's free that day den im happy enuff le.. cuss its our first CHRISTMAS !! im looking forward!!! =))

anyway, how do people celebrate Christmas de ah?? i just lOve lahhs!!

tmr is my practical training in the morning le!!! need to wake up at 6plus!!! AHHH!!!!!!!! how to get up man!! sure late de lOhhs. cuss im late Queen mahhs. =)) STRESS ah!!!! i hope ill face it bravely n pass tmr.. God bless please!! =((

i guessed i messed up everything again!! im sorry! i decide to tell eu face to face! im sincerely saying sorry to eu! dun ask me wad is it.. cuss i tell eu when the times come.. i dunno wad the outcome will be when i told eu.. but im gonna prepared for the worst.. bless me people.. =(( im sorry!!

Missing him alOtts... ... ... <3

counting down to christmas 11 days

2007-12-13T23:55:00.000+08:00

Remember my previous post asking whether will he send me to gym? Well! Me, myself was lazy to wake up also den end up never go le. And... ... he didnt come too! Just as expected. Did eu answer correctly? i doubt. =))

forget to mention yesterday night my brother call me ehs. Zhao Xiang!! hohoOs. our conversation goes on like this:

ZX: Hello! wad are eu doing?
KX: hu are eu?
ZX: eu guess lahhs!
KX: orhhs. the most fat guy in our house de ah?(laughing)
ZX: (laughing) what are eu all doing?
KX: Miss eu lehhs!(smiling)
ZX: Me toO! hehees.
KX: Really?! lOls.
ZX: where's mama?
KX: on the fone scolding someone.
ZX: huhhs? cannot ask her on the fone mehhs? ( can hear that he wanna listen to my mama's voice ehs? )
KX: huhhs? er... ... but she is scolding someone ehs.
ZX: Nvm l0hhs. Bye BYe!
KX: huhhs! so fast hang liaOos ah?
ZX: Den? I use the fone secretly to call de lehhs. why?
KX: huhhs! No lahhs. Miss you mahhs. Where's Zhao Rui?
ZX: He's not here. At another cousin's house. I also miss you mahhs. (smiling)
KX: aiyoOus! Really mahhs? Den say 'i love you' to me lahhs. hahaas.
ZX: (laughing) i love you!!
KX: (laugh) okaees okaees. Bye Bye!
ZX: Bye!

Dont eu think he's cute? Lols. Really miss them lahhs. Without them at home. its really quiet lahhs! Although sometym their voice really irritate me but still will miss them lahhs. Love them too!!

Received Lishao's msg yesterday night too! Saying:
The most powerful force in the world that eu have is what eu say to urself and eu believe! eu will be the one to make things happen and not the rest who see things happen! Do well in ur exams and we are battling waiting for eu to join us as soon as eu can!

Wow! his msg really... ... Cool man!! dunno how to say lahhs. Really bring light to my path man! Thankks alOtt LishaO!!

Everytime walk across e road near my school will always have a car de lehhs. Whenever i tot e road was clear, cross half way den "pon pon", a few cars come towards me le. Den i would always tell myself, " CAR again!! Aiyaas! walk fast fast! quick! " but actually im still walking slowly. Lols. Wahahaas. tats me lahhs. Ask myself to walk faster but still the same speed. No choice lahhs. i dunno how to cross the road mahhs. lOls.

today school ended at 315pm. wahhs! fast man!! Cool uh? lOls. After the class.. walk all the way to OCBC bank. its a long long path man!!! Alone walking the long eery path just to draw money makes me so ... ... Er... ... Scared? Think im strong enuff to beat the bad fella? or thinking he will pop out to give me surprise? i noe it wont happen! Stupid me! Laugh for all eu want!! dun let me see ur teeth, ill break it! evil me uh? lOls!

after everything went over to xiao wei house. den boon lay to buy things den back home. nothing much oso. once i reach home. was tired den have a small nap till his msg reach me den wakes me up. i miss him alOtts man!! kept telling Dodo ' i Miss him!! ' i guessed Dodo going to find me irritating soon le bahhs? =x
Not long, xiaowei called me asking me to go downstairs to get something. At first i was thinking, " is he here? or she is really passing something to me? " wahahaas. when i got down, was still thinking will him surprised me by waiting for me outside my doorstep? No! my lift? No! was quite disappointed lahhs. cuss i really DO MISS HIM ALOTTS !!! till i met up with xiao wei den saw HIM !!! Wahhs!! Im HAPPY man!!!! really HAPPY lOhhs!!! =DDD *smile*

Xiaowei n Weiming came to my house followed by Jian Liang. Having fun uh? lOls. no lahhs. not fun at all.. its because with him around den FUN comes in! =))

bout 9plus.. WeiMing n me acc Jian Liang n xiao wei to friend's house. having fun at the fitness corner. lOls. den leaving them at friend's house.. we started to stroll lOhhs. Not long, Jian Liang n Xiao Wei say his friends not free.. so we go home tgt lOhhs. On the way back home is Fun lahhs. with his singing eh? i guessed he is going to open a concert just for me lahhs. been practising in front of me. wahahahas. =x
Nearby my house.. discussing on where to celebrate Christmas.. and some of our personal stuff.. he got his job too! wont be seeing him for sometime le.. Sad uh? No choice lahhs. he got his things to attend to. Me? lOls. Exam lOhhs! Wish me good luck yar? =))

im trying to be independent! im trying not to rely too much on eu! im trying to stay strong ! Please excuse me if i had not done it... im still trying lahhs...

情人总分分合合 , 可是我们却越爱越深

认识你让我的幸福 , 如此悦耳

2007-12-12T23:37:00.000+08:00

Recently went to view a friend's blog den saw this sentence,
"If you love someone very much, then will you let him/her go?"

have anyone tried asking urself this question? wads ur answer den? will eu let him/her go? since eu love the person, den why let him/her go? why not treasuring him/her in the best way eu can? for my case, i guessed i will ... ...

no classes today !! Yipees~ =)) Morning went for breakfast with my sister den to her school n my brother's school to buy their books! its HEAVY man!!! carry until my hands is tearing off man.

After carrying the books h0me, rest awhile, den off to Bukit Batok Driving Center to top up my account den build my courage to book for my practical training which is this saturday in the morning. Goodness! need to wake up early again le. =((
After booking den off to meet Weiming at his school MRT station. was tired on the way there lahhs. cuss nv sleep enuff last night mahhs. lOls. after meeting him den take train to Somerset to meet Alica n Wen Kang. Went to watch Movie! Alvin and the Chipmunks! Wahhs. Cute man!!! their singing is POWER!!! Nice lOhhs!! lOve them lahhs!! Cute little squirrel! Strongly Recommend!! Funny, touching n sad oso lahhs. lOve them lahhs! i wanna buy their CD !!! yeahhs yeahhs~ [ wait until i have money lahhs. lOls =x]

After lunch together, Alica n Wen kang continue shopping, den I acc Weiming to office lOhhs. =)) On the way there was quite scary lahhs. cuss got to noe my mama n my sister was near dhoby ghaut and we are supposed to walk past there. den no choice for both of us. need to walk a big round lOhhs. After he reach nearby office le, he send me to nearby MRT station first den go to office himself. On the way home, was tired lahhs!! Yawnzzzz... even standing oso can doze off! so tired uh? lOls. =x

Reaching home den went straight to bath. Brrrr..... the water is very COLD siahhs!!! after bathing for quite sometime im still shivering ehs. cover myself all over like a 'mummy' l0hhs. brrr.... Start to revise for my exams coming this Monday.. Yawnzzzz.....

Sudden think of him.. think of the past we have... fun lahhs.. Miss l0hhs...

yeahhs~ ahh bann!! "luckily there's a u always there with me" so happy to nOe when eu actually say it. =)) Rmb the rings hanging on our neck? one for ahhbann, one for ahhdouu!! The ring stands a meaning: no matter wad happen, ahhdouu will be there for eu! will protect eu!
i guessed eu feel the same to yar? Dun anyh0w throw the ring that synchronize us kaees!! =DD lOve eu !!

tomorrow need to wake up early for gym AGAIN !!! dun feel like going siahhs. will he be coming to send me there? will he give me a surprise by waiting for me below my house or bus stop? will he? i dunno too! but i guessed i nOe whether he is coming anot. cuss... ...its just that simple. tmr he's going for an interview at 2pm! Good luCk !!! =))

2007-12-11T23:27:00.000+08:00

(from left to right: JuYee ; KeXin)

lOls. i saw this in my folder and found out its been very long since i saw her le. Miss her alOtts. =))

today went to Eric's Bbq. they were funny lahhs. the guys are generous too!! help to 'beng' chicken wings, hotdog and everything for us. the gals are just needed to seat down and wait to be served. =)) good uh? lOls.

At first actually i was thinking maybe just go there and help out can le. cuss... ... (wont mention here lahhs, cuss *zip* ) lOls.. was very hungry, den took out the tuna sandwich weiming bought for me yesterday and eat. Yummy~ im dam dam hungry ehs. lOls. after awhile.. when the fod was ready.. i nv touch at all.. was just alOne viewing the sea.. its was beautiful man !!! maybe can find one day, Forever`cOuple go together !! =)) after viewing the sea awhile.. here comes Eric Tan with the cheese hot dog.. dun wanna have it at first, den was like forced by him, im hungry too lahhs. thankks to him lahhs. first time eat the cheese hot dog lehhs. Nice man! with chilly especially. hmmmms... haven finish eating the hot dog, followed by Eric yue, pass me 2 chicken wings, den followed by Eric Tan's corn, satay, stingray and hot dag. FULL man !!! thankks to both Eric lahhs. kept wanting me to eat.. want me to turn fat ah? lOls.

Viewing the beautiful sea.. my eyes sudden feel so teary.. izzit i 想太多? i dunno too! anyway, thanks!! =DD bout 7 plus laidat den i need to leave le.. cuss time to go home..

thankks to Eric to company me to the bus stop which was so FAR n dark!!! lOls. He's going in army le. All the best to him !!!

yesterday afternoon, met up with him. he send me to school with 3 bread cus he n0e i like to skip breakfast de. hehees. happy l0hhs!! =DD

Night time came.. bout 6 plus laidat, my sister n I met up with xian hao below his house and walk to Jurong Point together. hmms.. saw his leg is injured. Take Care! On the way there was FUN lahhs. cuss me n my sister was like in our own world keep on chatting n laughing. lOls. =DD

reach Jurong Point den saw most of the staff selling christmas stuff.. saw them wearing the hat! I WANT !!! =x lOls. meet Jiaxian outside pizza hut, followed by Firdaus, Wei Li, Ee Soon, Yin Hao, Weng Sum. Waited quite some time den the pizza hut have space for us. lOls. was FUN lahhs!! with Firdaus entertainment on magic.. jiaxian's funny faces.. Xian hao n Ee Soon's joke n bullying. lOls. Fun lahhs. seems like even after the secondary school life.. we are still together as one! lOvess~ Was Full after having the pizza den my sister drank 3 bowl of mushroom soup. lOls. hahaas. after the dinner when we are suppose to paid. some things crop up! was feeling quite sad for jiaxian lahhs. but anyway.. he should be alright by now le. Cuss we brothers are here for eu !!!! Wont be forgetting eu de.!!! =))

After everything, one by one saying 'bye bye'! its quite sadd lahhs. cuss dunno when is the next time for us to meet again le. hope sooner bahhs. i really do miss some of my secondary school friend.. like Shu Juan.. YiLin.. etc..

哪里能找到永远温暖的拥抱?

哪里能找到受伤时候的依靠?

有谁能让我烦恼的事都不再烦恼??

他?

包容原谅所有的争吵

懂得珍惜就能够拥有

2007-12-10T01:29:00.000+08:00

ahh bann !! this song is specially for eu de! although its not sang by me, oso not compose by me. but i really really feel Sky Wu has sang a very very meaningful song which ... ... ... dunno how to explain also, i can its perfect lahhs.. just like how i wanna tell eu and wad eu wanna tell me.. =)) especially this phrase :

幸好一路上有你陪我!!

与你分享的快乐胜过独自拥有,至今我仍深深感动

2007-12-09T16:55:00.000+08:00

didnt sleep well this weekends. its either not sleeping the whole day or sleep a few hours. i had to thanks Jianliang for counselling me tat day! i really did learn alOtts, its true that in a relationship , we needs to give in alOtts. its true that friends will not be with eu forever. they wont be holding ur hands for lifetime. they wont be there straight when eu need someone badly. only the person that is beside eu will follows eu for lifetime. ur parents n siblings wont too. i did learn alOtt!! but at the same time i feel touch for my dear xiao wei!! i can really say out lOud she's the most happiest woman in the world! hearing bout how Jianliang care for her, worried for her, thinking of her feelings makes me so xian mu! for so many guys that i noe, i guessed he's the best guy that really treat her girlfriend well le. im not saying other guys don't. but maybe its becos forever couple always shared the sadness n happiness together den let me really sees what all of us are doing. he can be a love expert yar?

ahhbann, i guess i cant hold the "happiest woman in the world" with eu le. but please do me this favour can? No matter wad, for my sake. be the world happiest woman! fulfil my dreams please? just like how i msg eu that day! Jian Liang! take good care of her just like how i msg eu that daY! not only eu two, even me oso sees the future in both of eu! Goes on like this! JiayOous!!

Xiao wei! yesterday at ur house, i noe im abit shi li le. waste ur tissue oso. anyway, thankks for being there for me! and thankks for ur care that eu nv fail doing it everytime.

when eu are deeply hurts, if someone came and holds ur hands, it will makes eu feel better! for this, i need to thanks xiao hwee! on the way back from Jian liang house. she's holding my hand throughout! she gave me this feeling, im not the only one alone. thankks alOtts.

just now went out with Xiao Wei, Jian Liang, Xiao Hwee n Kok Soon to boon lay shopping centre to buy some things. i buy lOtts of things, thankks to Jian Liang helping me to carry it all the way. was crazy playing with the rain with them too. its fun lahhs! back home, Jian Liang asked me this question: " eu still angry with him ah? must give him a chance mahhs. give him a chance to change.right?" My reply was: " sometimes when eu get hurts really badly... ... ..." err... i forget le! Ps ah!

but now i guessed when eu get hurts really badly, eu wont even noe what eu are supposed to do. what decision eu should make. which path is the correct way to go. all because the job eu are having now, is crying everytime when eu are alone. thats the only job. i admit im bleeding.. but im oso trying to bandage it up..

我搞不懂我们到底怎么了,诚实的背后是否住着伤口,我想不透我们的爱怎么了,雨下过以后 ,是否,能让什么复活?
明明从前, 连争执都很甜美,现在怎会, 说句话就弄痛一边?

2007-12-08T00:22:00.000+08:00

After eu leave me, i will always asked myself, when is the next time i will get to see eu again... ...

my words no longer holds anything to eu le. my words no longer stands a place le. i guessed its time for me to learn not to rely on eu too much le... ... ... ... ...

why izzit every relationship will always have a before n after? before getting together, he / she will give eu something that eu yearn for.. but after getting together for not long. everything changes le. why is that so? izzit because eu already gotten his / her heart den shows that ur work is done? no more respect will be there? not as caring as before? or izzit the communication is not there? but izzit true after communicating the other party will understands?

i just seems we both are drifting further le. maybe lack of communication? or wad? but i love the feeling when im with eu. will feel that we are still the same as the past. as loving as before. but after parting... ..

are ur words true to me? why izzit sometimes i feel that it isnt true? i just that eu are saying that for the sake of saying.sometimes i wish to expect more, but end up disappointed... ...

what will happen the next minute to the people around eu, nobody noes! please treasure everyone that is by ur side now! dun make urself regret for the decision eu make. REGRET isnt a good things to handle.

i guess im not the person eu need bahhs. im not as understanding as eu think. im not as strong as eu think. but why are eu always doing this to me? just because eu think i am able to hold it? or after doing it den start telling me eu are guilty or wad? playing holds ur life so much? cant even bother bout how i will feel when i noe it? wad shud i do? what must i do? because of eu, im hating myself! hating myself for controlling eu so much! hating myself for giving eu those bu bi yao de ma fan! i guessed eu all must be thinking im really selfish bahhs... ... let it be then... im tired le. let me breathe again...

why is my heart aching when im listening to a cute song? why does my eyes fill with tears when im actually listening to a happy song? WHY??? !!!

2007-12-04T17:22:00.000+08:00

i guess im falling sick soon. kept having heavy headache, flu. something wrong with my gastric i guessed. dun have any appetite at all! feel like vomiting most of the time.

Do eu really care for me? or just caring for me because eu feel that eu are supposed to care? wad i can say is ur words hurts me badly!!!

i guess this fear, stress is i brought upon myself de! if in the first place i nv choose to study in that school, this thing wont happen. if in the first place i study harder, this thing wont happen. if in the first place i say i dun wanna learn any motors, this things wont happen. there wont be stress. i guess this stupid me will ... ... ... ... i dunno...

i am very clear this is the road that i chosen, whether to end or continue is my choice. i so much feel like avoiding, but i noe it isnt helping me at all. tears kept running down my eyes. pretending to be alright, pretending to be as strong as i can in front of everybody, putting up a big smile which no one noes its fake. its really hard on me now. for now, i guess eu wont be seeing the Kexin eu all used to see le.
im really trying to be strong le... ... ...

i so much need a shoulder NOW!! just to lie on for a moment. until my tears are dried. i promise! but i guess, its impossible le!! =((

whats the purpose for me to live in this world? Do i really hate studys that much? or im just Lost of direction?

there are 8 examinations waiting for me!!! will i be facing them confidently? will i get my Dip. Cert? will my supplementary paper pass? I hope i will! and i MUST pass!!

somehow i really hope eu can study with me. not studying together in the same school with me. but just staying by my side studying our work together. revising together. just like how i accompany eu to study in the past. will this happen? or impossible? but i guessed its stupid of me to have a thinking laidat bahhs. eu had gave me an answer saying cant le. but... ... ... haiis... ...

when can all this come to an end?

God bless me please!
Everyone bless me please!!

where are eu when i need eu badly? tears dropping down my chin once again... ... ...

2007-12-02T22:26:00.000+08:00

sometimes the deeper eu love someone, eu will end up hating him / her when the bad ends came.

xian hao! eu may think i nv read ur blog, nv care for eu or anything. but over here let me tell eu, i did read ur blog whenever im using blog! eu mention in ur blog that eu cant move on because i only think of myself, leaving eu behind without anything and heartless. the friendship we build for the past 3 years makes eu think i am this kind of person? did eu ever think how i feel whenever i noe eu are hurting urself because of me? eu may not noe, just like i dunno wad eu did behind.
eu told me before, the more i contact eu, the more eu cant let go. He dun like me to contact eu either. i was thinking maybe its a good way den. but why it just seems no help to eu?
i really wish to ease the pain in eu! i really hope we can go back to the past with jiaxian n eu under ur block chit chatting all the nonsense.
for now i can understand why eu dun like the outings that we all set, i noe its because of my presence. if thats the case i can not go for the outings. i guess those friends will wants so much of eu to attend their outing.
i dunno how much eu hate me now. i dunno wad eu want from me either. but wad i really hope is, take care of urself! no matter is ur leg, health or studys or anything. just take care! quit smoking if eu can den. i am still a friend eu can look for when eu are in help!

take care!!

this weekend spent my days at Johore living at my mama's house. nothing to do over there, just watching television, revise my work, eat n sleep. tats all! Although it seems boring but its peaceful for me. cuss i have no worries or fear at all.

Coming back to Singapore makes me STRESS n FEAR !!!

in bed hugging dodo n cried to relieve my fear n stress. im so stress over my Examination n Motor practical training!! i need Accompany!!

Nv did i noe a person like me who so much like to ride on the Motor would actually fear to face it.
im scare to face the motor there!!! im scare to face my practical training!!! im scare to ride on it!!! im scare to book too!!

i msg to tell you my fear n Stress! i noe eu are sleeping. but i really need eu!! i dun blame eu either.
feel like calling ahh bann, but when the number is called, i hang le!

im too STRESS over it!!! i need help!! i need someone to pull me up!! someone to stand back to back with me to walk thru this.
i noe it isnt eu nor eu or eu!!! cuss this road only myself can walk thru!!
i lost the confident i have before. whenever i think of Motors!!! Examination!!! Future Jobs!!! Studys!!! im Stress!!! im really stress!!! can anyone please lend me a hand??!!! or anyone interested in motor to accompany me !!! I NEED HELP !!! Arghhs!!!

sometimes when eu are avoiding the things that eu are fear of, the more fear eu will be. but i guess, face it is the best solution. but... ... ...

i NEED you !!! =((

2007-11-29T22:49:00.001+08:00

they were once the most popular boy band in Hong Kong n Asia. but after the singer(elder brother) died while dealing with the ligh bulb before their concert, he falled! After that his younger brother(black shirt playing guitar) take over him. from den.. this boy band falls. but they are still producing their album. this is one of the song that i like when i heard it in Malaysia. Heard this story of both brother too. feel sad for them. from then, den i noe they are called BEYOND !

2007-11-29T22:14:00.000+08:00

saw this "story" from a friend's friendster. den find it quite meaningful so decide to post it out.

Once,
People asked me,
How long is an eternity?
I told'em,
To some people,
Eternity last for 1000 years,
For few,
It last for a million years.
But he wanted 10000 years,
To hold his girlfriend,
To love her,
To tease her,
To give her everything he could,
And i agree...But..
To me,
An eternity...
Only last for a lifetime,
I don't live that long,
As long as i know i could love her til my very last breath.
I'm contented.
As long as i could give her my very best in life,
I'm contented.
As long as i could see her smile everyday,
I'm contented.
To love,
Is not just about what you can give or what you can received.
To me,
Love is about compromising,
Understanding each other,
Forgiving and FORGET.
Definitely,
Some things are easier said then done..
Time will tell..
But how long will it takes?
An eternity?
.
.
.
.
.
Yet again,
If you can add a life span to your relationship,
How long would you want it to last?
.
.
.
.
.
Hope i can hold you,
For an eternity of happiness,
I give you my everything.

After reading how do eu feel?

2007-11-19T23:46:00.000+08:00

noeing that yesterday eu play the whole day at ur friend house not sleeping early makes me angry at first. but the next moment my heart started to tear. it ache! makes me so pain. knowing eu cant sleep enuff. noeing eu are tired. noeing eu cant have sufficient sleep but im still sleeping so soundly. makes my heart pain alOtts... ... ... it hurts eu noe... ... =((

*________ 我爱你不需再怀疑你就是我寻找的唯一 ________*

2007-11-19T23:16:00.000+08:00

suddenly think of the past. the first time eu saw me is when im on the stage for the first time singing to one thousand people in that revealing clothes which i never dare to wear in streets before, singing that song ma de li bu si yi.

At that moment, when eu first saw me, whats ur reaction?
have it ever strike ur mind, this gal gonna be the gal i love in future?
have it ever strike ur mind, can i noe this gal?
have it ever strike ur mind, ill mark this gal as my lifetime partner?

For the second time eu saw me oso the first time i see eu, in FLP office.
izzit fate that let you meet me again?
izzit fate that brings me there to take a look at eu when shaking hands?
izzit fate that let me find eu attractive the first time i saw eu?
izzit fate that wants us to be success in Forever and stand on stage to speak together?

From there our storys start as friend.. whats my first impression i have given eu? my first impression for eu? hahaas. dao! den slowly find out eu are handsome. nice smile. cute pattern. funny. jokes around. friendly. kept teasing me n xiao wei. at first i tot eu like her. cuss always sees eu bullying her, den got a weird feeling. always trying to avoid the scene that eu tease her den always make a move first. Secretly like eu behind until a shock news from xw that eu n her got together le. was like lost of words but building a strong smile too. but its lucky i haven fall deeply yet. but after sometime eu two went apart. saw eu so sad n down in the MRT. so much wanted to console eu.. but scared too.. cuss i noe i dun have the zhi ge to console eu either. Until half way thru the training i saw ur teeth! eu are finally smiling n laughing! that brings me a sign; phew~ eu are finally smiling! but... still dun dare to talk to eu. only dare to see eu at the back. [ ur backview is nice eh =) ]

Den one day a friend kinda message reach ur handphone that is from me. That's when our lOvelife start!

i thank you for not letting me to noe eu earlier. But why let me wait so long for eu lehhs? Am i so hard to find? Lols. indeed i am! Eu too! =))

if there's a choice to choose whether i wanna go for the trip. i will surely say NO! but if he's coming alOng. i will nod my head hardly n shout YES! will be looking forward toO! but haiis. i cant choose... how am i going to go on for this week without receiving any of his sms or calls? how long will this week be over? i miss euu ... ... ... ... =((

Some things are not meant to say out, but actions shows.

2007-11-19T13:10:00.000+08:00

世界唯一的你
*________ it holds a big meaning for both of us ________ *

2007-11-18T20:24:00.000+08:00

for ahh bann

i wont be by ur side to comfort eu
i wont be by ur side when you need me
i cant be there to share ur sad n happiness challenges
eu cant find me if eu need me badly

all because im away!! =((

bear for this one week kaees! without me, eu and Jian Liang have longer time together lehhs. lOls. Joking lahhs. if he makes you angry or hurts, dun be too sad kaees. im living in ur heart! No matter where eu go, must bring ur brightest smile with me along kaees!

In AAI, remember, eu are the best! Let ur downlines feel proud of eu! Let them noe eu are coming here to do business not to play! JiayoOus! I may be unable to be by ur side so much anymore as my mama wants me to quit Forever le. she says everytime i have been coming home late. Weekends also need to do Forever. den she ask me to just quit it le!

When eu miss me just do something busy kaees. =))

2007-11-18T01:59:00.000+08:00

i love the day we spent our time at Bbq. Although there is 1 or 2 lightbulb but im still glad eu are beside me. From our journey at Forever to Chinatown we had our porridge den went to take bus to West Coast, On the way there, eu ask me, what's the meaning of ' if eu get there before i do, dun give up on me!' i explained it to eu. when eu noe the meaning, eu sang that phrase to me. Thanks alOtts! It's really Nice! it's true! I feel so loved and happy when i heard eu singing it to me. =)

On the bus there, Jian Liang turn on his handphone Mp3. This lyrics coming from this songs called 心肝宝贝 strikes me.

因为你让我明白生命的真谛
可知道你的不小心会让我伤心一辈子
为我你要好好自己保护自己
为我你要好好自己保重身体
在每一段的路总会一身污泥心肝宝贝
不要怀疑最爱的就是你
你是我一生的唯一

(ps: got abit of the lyrics i cut le cuss this is the only phrase i wanted to tell eu)

maybe cuss im leaving soon. with eu holding on to me and the song playing on, makes me feel so 舍不得!

At West Coast, During our playing time. Lols. you looks so much like a small boy. no bad intention ah! ur reaction is cute lahhs, i can say. Jian Liang say it too! somehow feels, eu are needed to be protected too. =p

Watching the sunset, although the 2nd time is not as beautiful as the 1st time, but as long as im watching with eu, how the sky looks like, is still beautiful for me. What i love most is when eu are feeding me with the dessert, and im teasing you and feeding eu too. The feeling is so sweet. =) At that moment, makes me feel that both of us are equal. What I mean as equal? means, eu r my laopo, im ur laogong lohhs. we take turns to care for each other. Although im miserable at that moment but with ur smile and care towards me makes me recovered fast. During our photo time, i love it too! Especially when Kok Soon ask eu if eu mind he put his hand on your shoulder, den i dunno where my courage come from. i put my arms around ur shoulders and answered him back, ' i mind!'. i feel like a guy protecting you again! =p Lols.

eu told me to gave you a chance to change. eu told me our relationship will have a new start. eu told me eu wanna treat me and care for me even better than last time. eu told me eu will do ur best to make our love life a totally new experience, one i would nv have expected coming from eu, one which will make me unforgetable! eu told me eu wan to make me the most happiest woman in this world. eu told me eu wan to be the person to care for me the most. eu told me eu will be a tall pillar which i can always depend on. eu told me to see your changes. Yes! im watching !! =D

2007-11-18T01:07:00.000+08:00

by the time eu guys view my post.. i shud have left Malaysia le. =)) Im leaving for Malaysia for a week. Gonna Miss HIM n HER !!! i knew after Bbq that night wont be seeing eu le.. but still build a xi wang in myself, no matter wad, sure will get to see eu de. even for 1 minute is oso enuff. but im scared after seeing eu, i will dun bear to leave again. I Miss Eu la0og0ng!!! I promise Mr Pig! if anything happen in Malaysia, ill write down! if possible, ill give eu a call! Gonna miss ur voice!! =((

For Mr Pig

when im away, take good care of urself.
when im away, have your meals regularly. ( not instant noodles ah)
when im away, have limit on wad you are spending.
when im away, dun feel bored!
when im away, sleep early. ( not later den 1 am)
when im away, dun play games till forget eu must have 8 hours of sleep.
when im away, continue your missed call for me even though i cant received.
when im away, looked at the photo's in your wallet if eu miss me.

lying in your arms, makes me feel so protected. im just like your princess and you are my prince. lying under ur jaws, head tube up, secretly slowly looking at your eye brown, eyes, spectacle, nose, lips, mustache makes me have a thinking, " This is the guy I had chosen! This is the guy I wanna spend my rest of my life with, This is the guy I love !"

No guys care so much for me, but eu did!
No guys have given me surprise unknowingly, but eu did!
No guys wait for the time right to sing birthday song to me, but eu did!
No guys would send me home just to send me home, but eu did! (eg: if im at Somerset or Little India, no matter where eu are, if eu are free, eu would make a point to send me home safely)
No guys understand me so much, but eu did!
No guys noticed my clothings so much and give comments, but eu did!
No guys told me how they feel towards me for all occasions, but eu did!
No guys had talk to my dad so reasonable, but eu did! (at that moment, my mind flash " He's the right guy to stand beside me!")
No guys had makes my mum speak with laughter, but eu did!
No guys had makes my brother's so irritating, but eu did!
No guys cares whther my sister face is black anot, but eu did!
No guys cares whether did i take my meals regularly, but eu did!
No guys worrys where I go, but eu did!
No guys chat on fone with me for so long, but eu did!
No guys influence his feeling so much to me, but eu did!
No guys let me feel protected, but eu did!
No guys makes me feel im their princess, but eu did!
No guys makes me feel im important to them, but eu did!
No guys told me im the only one that can lie on their shoulders forever, but eu did!

Why eu did it? All because You love me, you treasure me, you need me. Im apart of ur life!

but... ... ...

I HATE YOU!! cuss... ...

eu came into my life without my permission,
eu steal my heart secretly,
eu make me shed tears for eu,
eu hurts me so much,
eu makes me feel ur computer is more important,
eu take me for granted once before,
eu are a bad listener sometimes,
eu influence my happy n sad times,
eu makes me feel insecure sometimes,
sometimes i cant feel ur love

but... ...

the more i HATE, the more i LOVE (x 100) eu!

Eu have become apart of my life! And I need you! I treasure you! I lOve you!

please dun ever think of wanting me to ditch eu when eu hurts me! Cuss i did promise eu before, i wont be leaving eu no matter wad. i will love eu more each day! and remember our first rule? that's the spirit that bring me up when eu hurts me. eu noe wad? sometime when you hurts me unknowingly, lying in ur arms helps me recover everything le. ur arms and hugs is my 'first aid!' =))

I admit im still worried between eu n her. but the 'ken din' eu gave me in the bus on Saturday(on the way to my gum n eu are on the way to office), im relieved le! the worrys in me had gone too! the words eu whisper in my ears, im not going to forget. The breathe of urs that touches my ears so softly, the tone of yours that is so sweet n soft, im not gonna forget! if someday, my worrys is back, i will tell eu as i promise eu but at the same time i will tell myself not to have those negative thoughts! =DD

*_ 我爱你 _*

eu are the reason for my smillee ___________________*

2007-11-16T02:41:00.000+08:00

just like the song that is playing now. no matter how hard our relationship will be.. no matter how sweet it will be.. as long as im not scared.. as long as i did not regret choosing eu.. as long as eu are are beside me... it will be a strength for me to pull thru le...

_ i love eu _ <3

2007-11-16T01:59:00.000+08:00

why izzit me? why am i always hurting people? why am i always doing the wrong things? why am i not understanding? why cant i seal my mouth? why cant i just open my heart? why cant i just believe him easily like wad i did previously? why am i always making things worst? why every problem starts from me? why is there a ME in this world? can some one please kill me? Can eu just stab me from behind thru my heart and let me die at one shot? can i be a evil gal? can everyone HATE me more? can ???

im tired in holding on to the ships... .... i exhuasted le... ... ... can i have some rest? please.. i need ur shoulder badly now... can i lie on it? just for a minute will do.. really... after one minute ill return ur shoulder to eu.. i promise!!

2007-11-16T01:08:00.000+08:00

today have been busy organising xiao wei's party. Hope everything goes well! really scared there will be problem. kept running here and there to make the time right. Makes me feel like fainting. but still build a strong face in front of everyone. many times running here n there makes me giddy. noe why? cuss whole day i just ate 2 chocolate bread den busy planning things le.
kind of regret cooking those stuff in my house. cuss cleaning is done by me only. have learn a lesson for volunteering to cook at home den make myself busy n smelly only.
Anyway, its FUN toO! see her smillee is enuff le.. but too bad.. no tears lahhs.

saw her.. but too gan ga. dunno wad to talk to her about. den was like avoiding her too. but after she left.. was kind of regret.. why cant i just talk to her openly? there's still a guilty feeling in me...

saw him too... behind my block. i noe why he was here. i now why he was sad. i noe why he wear that shirt. i noe why he print that number on his shirt. its all because of ME!!! but i cant do anything too. all i can say is Im sorry!

wad's happening here? why is it everything seems to be my fault? why am i always giving in? why am i always keeping quiet and fight for my right? why am i so stupid? why am i so careless? why did my mood change easily? why am i so evil? why am i so bad? Arghhs~ Just HATE me for all eu wan!!! I DUN CARE ANYMORE!!!

i need space to breathe! i really need some space. i feel so miserable! feel im dying soon... even if i died.. please let me die peacefully....

Arghhs~ Wads gone into me?!!!! forget it!!! im Crazy already!!! Eu just wont understand! Eu toO!!! dun ask me anything. just give me time... I NEED TIME !!!

im tired... ... im exhuasted... ... its doesnt feel good in everything... it doesnt feel good at all...

someone please send me to woodbridge... wahahahahas. Joking de lahhs. lOls. =DD

Smille everyone!! I lOve eu Guys!!! Especially HIM n HER !!!!

2007-11-16T01:03:00.000+08:00

将温柔紧紧的贴在我唇边
压着那蓝色的唇线
你的吻好浪漫
遮住了我视线
我爱那铺天盖地的甜言
还有些刺激的永远
缠绵排山倒海
爱你就是我最大心愿
爱情象沙尘暴猛扑向了我
我有一些不知所措
又紧张又兴奋试着去体验
刹那间就被它捕获
不管不顾一切
是恋人的本色
哭闹再接着拥抱
你的脸紧紧的贴着我的脸
象有电把我心打乱
我的呼吸变困难
很漫长的时间
我爱那密不透风的甜言
还有些刺激的晕眩
你出现第一眼
故事就开始发生不完
其实每一种爱情都差不多
渴望失望不停希望
我恨不得心中只有你空间
浪漫充满了我的天
算我俩天生有缘
不是一时新鲜
爱你显得很自然

sometimes... i really hope there is a guardian angel beside me... ... ... ...
coumtdown to the days im leaving Malaysia-4 Days

2007-11-14T18:44:00.000+08:00

everyone may think that im someone that wont think for others but only care for my feeling. seriously, i really dunno im that kinda of person eu think of. ur everything has shown me how selfish am i. i too notice the changes in me, izzit a bad change or good change? i dunno. i hope is change for the better.

[11 November- Alone in the MRT having this thoughts]

i started to wonder,is ur 'miss eu' true to me? is ur 'worried for eu' true to me? Should i believe it using my whole heart? i dun wanna go back to the past me which will only listen to ur words only, i wanna trust and believe every words eu told me! but, for now, izzit possible? i dunno wad happen to me! The more eu hurts me, the more i love eu! Am i torturing myself? Or im just used to being hurts by eu?

[12 November - Bugis Library]

went there to do some researches for my assignment and waiting for mr pig to come n find me. den got to saw 'MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS'. heart got itchy and went to grab the book n start reading it. inside there's a page cot my eyes;

She wants caring and he wants trust.

She wants understanding and he wants acceptance.

She wants respect and he wants appreciation.

She wants inclusion and he wants admiraton.

She wants validation and he wants acknowledgment.

She wants reassurance and he wants encouragement.

After my research, i went to meet mr pig in the MRT and he send me back home. In the MRT i was quite gan ga. cuss this few days i have been going to n fro alone. doing things by myself without him beside.can say got abit used to it le. den today he sudden came n wanna help me to take my bag, i insist on taking my own bag. den saw two empty seats, we both sat down together. Nv realy talk at all, sudden feel v strange oso. den i try to squeeze smth out to say. After awhile, he pull meto lie on his shoulder. At that moment i wanna back out, but dunno why, my body went weak n lie on his shoulder. at that moment, my tears nearly drop. it justs seems a hundred years since i have this feeling. the feeling was so strong. makes me so weak. so safe, sweet n secure in his shoulders. i love that feeling alotts. i long for that feeling! maybe thats wad we call when we lose smth den will treasure more when it comes back bahhs. On the way home, nothing much too. den went NTUC with Jian Liang n wei ming to buy just ingredients for cooking. was fun, i can say. not that kind of 'hao wan'. is because im with him! we seems to be back to normal again. =))

back home, Jian Liang send him in his bike, den i called my mom. got a big scolding from her, and i cried! wont mention wad happen. i can only say, she has NO TRUST in me!! cried in my room, den sudden a shadow came in.. ITS HIM!!!! i was surprised! my mind started to think, why is he here? isnt he left in Jian Liang's bike? how did he noe i need him at that time? he came into my bedroom, wipe my tears and push my head to lie on his shoulder again. i feel like his small princess at tat time. its the first time i cried in front of him, with him hugging me. although its sad for me but at the same time im glad n sweet!thankks!

I really wish the feeling will go on n on... dun wanna let this feeling stop anymore. this few days im really really miserable without eu! without ur care! without eu by my side! without eu in my sight!

At night eu msg me, got one sentence shock me, and my mind is wondering wad is that meaning? i dun wannause my thinking again. i wan eu to tell me. wad does it mean when eu say this ' i started to had the feeling of taking you for granted '.wad does this actually mean in u?

i hate it when ppl say i becos of boyfriend den leave friends alone! im not tat kind of person alrights! My boyfriend is also not that kind of person that will hold my freedom of not letting me go out with friends alright? When i say I cant means i really cant! Means i have smth on! And its true alrights!! Dun always take out the words ' i have boyfriend den dun wanna acc eu all' from ur mouth. please l0hhs! i dun see a need in this alright! i have my own schedule, he has his own schedule too! doesnt mean everyday cling together den shows we are in love or wad ok!

So wad if ur b'daee is on thursday! i dun give a damn too! cuss i just dislike talking to eu!!! Just Shoo!! i noe v clearly eu are not happy with me either. so dun act friendly with me too! thankks alotts.
Doesnt mean i say this den shows i dun wanna make friend with eu, but sometime, i really dun like to talk to eu. makes me really miserable by ur proud attitude! but of cos, if eu are able to change ur tone n reaction during talking, we can still chat al0tts! =))

Get giddy easily recently! headache too! Stomach still pain for me. wad siahhs.something wrong with my intestines i guess. NOT MENSTRUATION come ah! dun misunderstood ah. lOls. i feel my body is getting weaker and weaker by the days goes by. Maybe it is finding one day to faint. Lols. =D

why izzit everytime when the a guy do wrong things, the gal will forgive him? but if the same things happen to the gal, the guy would just leave er alone. why izzit when guys goes timer, most of the gals are willing to forgive their boyfriend? but wad if it happens to the gal, will the guy forgive? why izzit always the gal pleading their guys not to leave them, they still leave? but if its the other way round, wad will the guys do? and why?

Im not shooting any guy alrights. im just expressing my feelings towards this matter. it just seems unfair! if a guy slept with a woman, will her wife or galfriend forgive? mostly is yes, butif it happen to the gal?will the guys forgive? is there so many reason for a guy to slept with a woman? why izzit the gals that is more 'chi kui'? cant the guys just respects ur galfriend or wife that is around eu just like the gals did? Haiis! Noe why guys n gals are different in so many ways? cus men are from mars, gals are from venus!

i wrote this message to someone few days ago, wont mention names, names are protected due to some faulty reason. =x
[since eu noe doing that will make her angry n hurts den why in the first place still do it? Now den eu start to worried oso no use]
does everyone met this kind of problem before? so please respects n love n trust ur loves ones. eu may not noe how much eu would hurts ur loves one by ur minor words or action!

countdown to the days im leaving singapore - 6 days.
anyone wanna send me? lOls. Joking only lahhs. =))

2007-11-13T20:14:00.000+08:00

[11 nov-in the library]

eu told me before, eu wont let me be alone throughout my journey anymore! eu told me before, from the day i have eu, eu wont let me be alone. no matter where i go, eu wont leave me alone but will stay by my side and accompany me unless you have urgent stuff. does this promise still goes on?
i told eu before, i have always been alone when im going out to do my stuff. so i dun mind to go out alone or wad. b4t eu gave me the 'ken din' that from that day onwards, ill no longer be going out alone, everywhere i go, eu would be there. eu still remember?

i just found out recently, your promise to me in the past is starting to fade away... ... ... ...
is it true that promise are meant to be broken?

i dun like the feeling when eu are holding a suspicious feeling towards me. the trust you have for me is fading too ... ... ...

can eu imagine how hurts am i? i kept reminding myself for not having negative thoughs. but the lonliness in me force me to think that way. where is the mr pig that will only gave me the best? where are eu? tears drop again!!! =(

2007-11-10T22:07:00.000+08:00

i got to hear this song ' Love Me' from ahh bann's blog. den got very very touched by the chorus. it said:

If you get there before I do,
don't give up on me.
I'll meet you when my chores are through,
I don't know how long I'llbe,
But I'm not gonna let you down,
Darlin' wait and see.
And between now and then,
till I see you again,
I'll be loving you, Love Me!

isnt it touched? Got a very very big de gan chu! hmms..

im at Jian Liang house with Xiao Wei, Ke Jing n Kelly. they were playing mahjong den im updating my blog plus selecting songs for them to listen. hehees. Dj for the day. lOls

I miss him. for the following day n so on.. wont be seeing him. on the 20th November, im going Malaysia too. for ONE WEEK!! really will miss him!!! i cant receive or send message at all. Gonna be hard. How are we going to go on this one week? somemore still need to rush my stupid assignment. humpt!

I Miss Him!!

2007-11-10T01:28:00.000+08:00

你愿意牵着我的小手走无数的患难吗?你愿意陪伴这我一起面对无数的难题吗?你愿意跟我一起面对家人的反对吗?你愿意忍受我的任性吗?你不会后悔选择我吗?

我好想好想永远靠这你那威猛的肩膀！我好想好想永远做你值得疼爱的小公主！我好想好想永远依靠这你！
但是。。。我好怕！！！好怕我会太依赖你！好怕有一天你会觉得我很烦！好怕你会觉得我太小孩子脾气！好怕你看女生的样子！会让我觉得我不如她们！好怕有一天你会离开！好怕你不在我身边的日子！

我记得有句话说 [ 没有一个男人是值得你为他流泪的，值得的，不会让你哭！] 虽然为你掉了很多眼泪，但是我很高兴我是为你而哭！担心你而哭，生气你而哭，伤害我的你而哭。不管掉多少泪，我还是一样那么的爱你！

我介意你说别的女生，我介意你说以前的女友，但是我愿意接受！我会把她们当做目标前进！也许你不知，你的话对我有多重要。也许你不知我们的每月对我有多重要，也许你不知我有多爱你，但是对我来说，关于你的每一样的每一样对我都很重要！我在乎你的一切一切！再说一次<< 我爱你！>>

I love the feeling when eu call me 'darling' , 'laOopo', ah blur'.
Makes me feel im close to ur heart.
Makes me feel a part of eu.
Makes me feel im not alone.
Makes my heart sweet.
My smile will go up unknowingly too!
I Just Love eu alOtts laOogOng!

*Muackks*

2007-11-10T01:21:00.000+08:00

i duno why sometime i really feel we are meant to be together. Whenever im down or wad, eu can feel it directly. In front of eu or at the back, if im hurts or wadeva, eu would feel it, although sometym i will tense to hide my stupid face to not let eu worry but deep in my heart, im really touched n surprised. it just seems so miracle! eu can see my hurts, why cant i?How cum i cant feel urs?I miss eu so much now! I wish to hear ur heartbeat now! Are eu willing to stay by my side till our hair become white? im looking forward to the day which we two will say " I DO! ".

Facing my mum everyday makes me feel so stress. everyday she would shoot me bout me having boyfriend. No matter wad things, she would blame me having boyfriend at this age. makes me feel like she is building a wall in between me n her. the more i wanna build rapport with her, the more her face is black. its really hard for me to face my mum. When can everything just STOP and turn back to normal? I need eu badly now!! Where are eu now? !! =((

2007-11-10T01:02:00.000+08:00

Alone in the bus. Raining plus the cold air con. not feeling well at all. having flu, sore throat, stomach pain the whole day till now. In bus still got a headache. Makes me feel so cold n lonely. Trying to reach for ur hand. but eu are not beside me. In the past, eu once told me, if i were to ask eu to find me, even if there's no train anymore, eu would still come and find me. Would eu do the same now? my eyes is fill with tears now. I need eu badly by my side now!

Eu ask me y my face was black. Seriously saying, i dunno too! I just dun feel like talking. but seeing eu putting so much effort in FLP, makes me feel really proud of eu! Got so many time, i wanna tell eu, Eu Are The Best!
In office, i noe eu wanna buy those products that eu dun have, den i got to noe eu are lack of liquid soap, was thinking shud i offer my help? I think alOtt! I knew ur answer is dun wan! but i just feel like giving the last try. Hu noes ur answer is dun wan still! I can understand why eu say dun wan. But i just feel my kindness isnt appreciate.

Maybe eu do not noe, when eu are talking to me, ur tone is getting higher n higher by the days goes by. Eu seems to build a small wall in between as when as eu like. I really dunno wad eu wan from me.
Am i really not good enuff? is there any room for improvment? i feel so Shi Bai!!! Am i really the important person in ur heart? Am i really the one?Can eu really stand my moody side? Wad do eu actually sees in me?

I found out sometimes eu tense to find me irritating when eu chat with me on the fone. izzit true? Am i really that irritating to eu? Did i do anything wrong?

On the way home, so lonely! Walking near my house de car park! SO DARK!!! im so scared!! Got a car pass me, den i was like shivering, scared the car will sudden stop den pull me up. i nearly burst out with tears! Where were eu?

2007-11-09T12:26:00.000+08:00

is there really trust in us? are we really able to hold hand in hand to walk past everything? everyone say Love is a possesion, wad about friendship? Does it mean if eu have a partners it will makes family drift apart from eu? i dunno!

I need eu real much now! I need eu!!

2007-09-01T01:26:00.000+08:00

wahaaahaas. i finally managed to finish my assignments!! Applause for myself. yeahhs~ =DD Now, need to start revising my work for exam. STRESS ah!!! hahaas. but i wont make myself stress de lahhs. i noe how to relax de. hohOos.

Ohya! Still rmb i mention in my previous pOst on who is the TOP 20 to wish me HAPPY BIRTHDAY mahhs? here it gOes:

1) Kok Wah

2) Xiao Wei

3) Wei Ming
4) Xiu Min

5) Jasmine

6) Eric

7) Mama

8) Ahki

9) Kok Soon

10) Ju Yee

11) Xin Yee

12) Patricia

13) Diana

14) Wei Yan

15) Zhao Xiang

16) Shi Hui

17) Cliff

18) Alvin

19) Ke Jing

20) Li Shao
are eu in the list?? I hope eu are! =DD

fOtOs time!!!!! EnjOy!!! fOto will do the talking on how we celebrate it.

ahh bann

homing n me

i feel the same too

imm foto w friends

kok soon n me

cutting cake
dirty face
eating cake
everyone at kopitiam
friendds

ahki n me
brothers
cake
crazzy us
cute kok soon

ahh bann
ahh bann expressing love to ahh douu
ahh bann n ahh douu
ahh bann n me
ahki
leftie n rightie
me at imm
my siblings n me
ordinary gal

playing w the cakeplaying w the cake(1)
the blur 'couple'
the four galls
the four of us
wei ming
wei ming n me
爱

Wanna Thankks My friends for celebrating my 18th birthday with me. Especially Xiao Wei for planning everytime, not forgetting Yan Ping, Wei Yan, Xiu Min, Jia Xian, Bao Liang, Wei Ming, Jian Liang, Ho Ming, Kok Soon, Ke Jing, Zhao Xiang n Zhao Rui! Thankks Everyone. its really unforgettable!!! thannks for the surprise!! =DD Eaten 3 cake tat day!! And its all Chocolate!!! hahaas. FAT liaoOs lahhs. Lols.

2007-08-27T23:10:00.000+08:00

SomehOw i gOt to nOe tat sOme things cant be shared!! And i dO agreed! Just like Friendship, Relationships and everything cant be shared at all!! Eu may say eu treat everyone the same, but did eu ever put urself in our shoes? Eu may find it normal and hate my thinking, but did tat happen to eu before? are eu able to sense our pain?
From ur mouth, there is only her name and everywhere eu go, eu would think of her, eu noe wad am i feeling? I noe we are just friends, but i just cant help thinking tat way.
SomehOw i dO feel sOrry for her, cuss it seems im the one breaking eu two up. eu think i lOve it? nO!!! i dun like it at all!! I feel more gulity!! I hope eu will ask urself seriously, hu is more impt to eu? Hu eu want to share ur sadness n happiness with? being a hamburger of eu two, im really miserable! I noe wad her feeling is, cuss i experience before! But did eu ever try to understand us? i noe to let eu choose, eu will find it miserable! I wont make eu miserable de, just make up ur choice, hu is the one eu wanna SHARE ur ups n downs with? and make it the ONLY ONE please! I dun wanna turn inside a circle anymore! Its hard for eu, me n her too! Eu can treat it as nothing happen, or maybe eu are trying hard to solve, but... ... ... please make up ur mind fast. thankks alOtts! [ dun ask me anything bout this part please! it will only opens my wound n fan nao! just figure out urself, as long as eu noe hu am i saying can le. ]
Tmr meeting with Yan Ping at 12pm is cancel le, we change it to 6pm. cuss all the other end school very late. and i just got to noe Xian Hao end school at 6pm too!!! Arghhs~ will he be coming? i dunnno! Hope sO lOhhs. I hOpe tmr's birthday will be unforgotten! Let's Smille!! =DD Birthday came !!! Happy Birthday To Me! Happy Birthday To Me! Happy Birthday To Me! happy Birthday To Me!

who will be the first 20 to wish me? hahaas. who will be in my blOg list TOP 20 lehhs? hehees. Check it out on my next post!! hohoOs. Will eu be the first? I will be counting from 12 am onwards... ... ... =))

Do eu noe sometimes ur laugh n smile can make ppl misunderstood? ur actions may let ppl misunderstood too. Ppl tat dunno eu, may say it, but i noe eu! I try to help eu to explain, but eu think by hearing those evil talks bout eu, i would feel better? i dun like it. They just dun understand eu! Maybe tat's eu, but sometime, i do feel something is wrong somewhere... ...

Im not that good as eu all think i am. I am not tat kind! I am not tat caring! I just dun like myself. Arghhs~ Wad am i talking about!! Just dun care bout me. Just Leave Me alOne fOr the time being please.

I just feel i cant communicate with eu all anymore... ... ...

The Presents I gOt frOm My Mama, The Rock n Wei Ming! Thankks Yar !! I Love It!! =D

The Ai Xin ' Cake' Wei Ming bake fOr me! Yummy!

I called it "Ming Xin Love Pizza". =))

Arghhs~ I cant imagine my birthday can be celebrate until sO sO sO... ... UNFORGETABLE!!! Arghhs~ I just feel like shouting!!! 1157pm, my mama ask me to go downstairs saying my friend is downstairs waiting for me! I tot is Wei Ming at first, but think think think, cant be wad, he go home liaoos. Den was thinking issit Daymas, cuss he live one block behind me only. Den my mama kept smiling at me, say 'dunno lehhs' Den i got a feeling telling me is The Rock. The moment i went down.. hahaas. is The Rock! Lols. He gave me present n say HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Thankks!!! =D Den at 12am sharp, i suddenly received an sms from ahh bann saying she is very dOwn n need me by her side urgently, i inform my mama, and tell her i go n find ahh bann, i was very worried at first, run around my block n her block, but nv seen her AT ALL !! Got nervous, den tell my mama abt it, den she say maybe ahh bann bluffing eu lahhs. It makes sense, but i still continue finding, den when i run towards the fitness corner again. WOW!! I cant imagine it was him! issit really him?!! YES!! IT IS!! ITS HIM!! WEI MING!!! i am shOcked!! n tOuched at the same time plus worry for ahh bann! I was totally piss at first, cuss got to noe, ahh bann is FINE! but i saw the ai xin 'cake' Wei Ming bake for me, heart melt lahhs!! hohoOs. Im really tOuched!! tats all i can say! i dunno how to react at all!! He sings birthday song to me, although its not nice lahhs. hahaas. but i lOve it!! Den i make a wish ' I Hope everyOne around me will be HAPPY everyday!'. Blow my candle! hahaas. Den i dunno wad to do or say oso. kept asking him, when did he start to plan de! After his explaining, i was totally LOST of words. dunno wad to say. Den i just give him a Big hug n Thankks him personally. other den this, i really dunno wad to say, Just Thankks Thankks n Thankks!!! =DD n Bye! hohoOs. den went i go home, inside my lift, i saw his msg ' Would u hold my hand from tis minute onwards? Will u give me the chance to be ur boyfren? <3 ' den i decide not to dread n dun wan to lose this happiness tat is beside me all along le. I quick press 1st floor n go down find him. Den he ask me why i come down. I told him i saw his msg, He hold my hand, Den i told him ' I choose option 1 !'. the time is 12.17am. i rmb ehs!! =DD I can really sees from his face, he is really happy at tat moment! hahaas. i can see h0hhs. lalala... He ask if we can take pic together with the ai xin 'cake'. But i reject, cuss im untidy at tat time, with the home clothes n tat hairstyle. Eeeerrr... hahaas. He nv force me also, thannkks lahhs! =))

Went back home, i told my mama Wei Ming, Xiao Wei n Ah Ki celebrate with me. hahaas. cuss i cant be telling her only Wei Ming mahhs. Lols. Den she was shocked to nOe Wei Ming was here oso cuss he lives at Woodlands ehhs. hahaas. but think my mama oso noe wad happen between us lahhs. hahaas. My mum wish me too n gave me present. Its beautiful ehs! I Love it lOhhs!! its Starrs Braclet! wOot!! hahaas. Thankks Mum!! Im waiting for my dad's wishing. =DD

Tmr i am inviting Xiao Wei, Wei Ming, Jian Liang, Kok Soon n Kok Wah over to my house to eat eat eat!!! hahaas. AnyOne available tmr? Come please. The more the merrier right?! =DD Of Course!! LEE XIAO WEI, AHH BANN, LEFTIE, KELLY, CHOCOLATE MUST BE HERE ON TIME!!! SHE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN MY LIFE!!! if she dare to late, den her pigu will be smaller den now. wahahahahhahahahas. =x

wOot!! My mOtOr License!! hahaas. Im Coming!! yeahhs Yeahhs~ =DD

I wanna spend my 18 th Birthday the happiest as ever n live everyday happily. All the sadness n Fan naO please shOoo! Eu are not WelcOme!! hohoOS. =x

Comes to thinking, today is really a special birthday for me ehs. Cuss there is NO ONE like Wei Ming laidat plan this whole things n makes me totally shOcked! I cant imagine it can happen to me, cuss i really long to happen like this before. i only tot it will happen in movie. But !! tOday it happens to me. he's the first guy to plan this special n shocking b'daee with 'cakes' for me. all i can is he is SPECIAL lahhs. <3

2007-08-26T22:17:00.000+08:00

Just saw my time table, Arghhs~ got to noe i need to hand in my IT project on this coming tuesday(28 August) n Marketing Project this coming Friday (31 August). But!!! I haven done it at all!! Arghhs~ Need to rush this week liaOos. nO chOice. Cant play play oso le, Exam coing in 2 weeks times. Oh man!!! Stress ah!!! All coming at once. all the subject i nv pay attention at all oso. Must study hard this coming 2 weeks liaoos. Hope sO!! God bless!!!

Actually I decide to hold a party on my birthday at my house. But discuss with my mama, den decide to cancel le. Haiis. As long as the person noe tat's my birthday and is willing to wish me, im oso very HAPPY le! =DD
Tuesday im meeting Yan Ping after my school ends at 12pm. Hope she wont late ah. tat time wait 1 hour for her ah. haiyOous!! Dunno she will be bringing hu too. if im not wrong, should be Wei Yan n Xiu Min lOhhs. I wanna call Xian hao n Jia Xian alOng lehhs. But they will come mahhs? This few weeks i rarely sees Jia Xian, he is working oso, will he be free? den Xian hao oso very hard to call him out de. Everytime say ' see first ' or ' dun wan '. This time will he say ' okaees '? Haiis. Comes to thinking, Xian Hao nv celebrate my birthday before ehs. HaiyOous. Nvm lahhs. nv blame eu oso. Lols. as long as eu wish me, is enuff le! =))
Tat day Wei Ming is having exam, ahh bann n ah Ki oso dunno free mahhs. wad if they needs to go down office lehhs? haiis. EveryOne is Just not free!!! aiyoOus. think liaOos oso heart pain. Lonely birthday again ah? Tink think think... ... I seems to nv really celebrate my birthday with my friends before ehs. like got cakes, candle, singing n foto shoot kind de. hohoOs. dunno this year birthday, wad will happen. Will all my friends remember? Will they wish me? I dunno! I jus hope 28 August will not come so fast... Wait till tat day come bahhs. Count down 2 days.. ..

wOot!!! Im gonna be 18 soon and my dad told me his birthday present for me is to sign up for motor course!!! wahaahaas. wait so long for tat day to come. last year i am so anxious siahhs. den go ask, but haiis. must wait till 18. den finally!!! hohoOs!! But sudden so fast, i oso anxious. like too fast laidat. Nervous lahhs. hahaas. think of future i will be riding a bike on the road. wahhs!! CoOl man!!! hahaas. Lols.

Today my mama ask me to call a fone number. hahaas. noe wad's tat? Im Mad siahhs!!! Lols. my mama tell me dun tell too many ppl first. so i wont mention here. hehees. heart itchy right? Lols. i just dun say. lalala. When time is ripe, i will say. Lols. Must be happy for me!!! =DD

My dad is back n off to work AGAIN !!! Arghhs~ Just seen him for 6 hours den he need to leave for Malaca for work le. Dunno when he will be back again. Just now see him leave, from his eyes i got sees his she bu de. AiyOous. Den awhile later, received his calls, he wanna buy my ARC Genesis album. But, tat stupid stOre nv sells. Im so glad tat he actually went to store to ask siahhs. Thankks dad!! =DD Thankks for ur support!! But i guess he buy for his friend de lahhs. Must promote me mahhs. hohoOs!! Lalala. =))

Head feeling giddy. Think Go bath first. Bye!!! Update again!! =DD
Take Care EveryOne. The weather is not tat good this few weeks. Really Must Take Care ah!! =)) Smilee mOre!!! I Love my friends tO SMILEE EVERYDAY !!! =DD

2007-08-26T02:53:00.000+08:00

BeCause Im a Girl

And now I know that's the truth...
And although I tell myself, I'll never be tricked by love again
I still fall in love, and my heart is broken again

Please don't break the hearts of girls, who'll do anything for love...
I didn't know that living in this life while being loved would be so hard

[ Today we broke, you told me to meet someone better than you, and be happy...
You are just like all the other guys...
What happened to when you told me that you loved me?
Honestly, I don't want you to be happy
What am I going to do if you really forget about me
I'm in so much pain, more pain than i can bear
because I'm still in love with you ]

Please don't break the hearts of girls, who'll do anything for love...
I didn't know that living in this life while being loved would be so hard

[ There's someone i'm in love with
Although I can't be with her now...
I'm Still in Love with her now ... ]

Although I say I hate you now, I'll be missing you
Because i'm a girl, to whom love is everything