Sunday, May 25, 2008
knowing the incident at Sichuan.
gave me alot of feelings
we had actually taken alot of things for granted!
we din really treasure the things around us.
we take it as it will always be our side n just leave it aside.
Yes! we are fortunate enuff!
we dont have to suffer all this.
we can still go out with our legs
we can still carry things with our hands
we can still walk a hundred miles with our love ones
we can still hug our love ones with our arms
but the people there, can they do it?
they so much wish to live just to see their wife staying at home waiting for them.
they so much wish to see the corpse that is carried out isnt their son or daugther.
can over here,
we are wasting our time quarreling
angry with each other
cold war
after knowing it,
how much i wish eu are still beside me
let me noe i need to treasure eu alot
let me noe i still need to give eu more
izzit really true eu wont love me back anymore?
we are already separate for 2 months plus!
im not healed yet!
i still MISS eu alOt!
i still LOVE eu alOt!
i noe the care eu shown towards me isnt willingly
i still holds this HOPE that eu would come to me no matter wad.
its really miserable for me to undergo this pain
and becos of eu im undergoing this depression i cant control
how i wish eu cud just give urself n me a chance
i still cant believe i've actually LOST eu
i still dun wanna admit im single
i NEED you MR PIG !
my love for eu is still STRONG!
can eu please come back?!
can eu just give me the rest of ur time to treasure eu?
im really suffering Mr Pig!
im not feeling any better at all
today my collegues asked me
if eu are left for one day to live
what will eu do?
im suddenly so lost of words
i suddenly wanted to see eu so much
give eu a big big hug
i admit going to work
meeting my collegues in the workplace
laughing with them
playing with them
is just a way of avoiding
is just a way of putting those unhappy moments leave my mind for awhile
but why hasnt the pain just leave?
i tot i could at least 'used' this to forget eu
but why cant i?
every moment eu still crawl into my mind
how am i going to forget eu Mr Pig?
eu mess up my life totally!
my smiles are fake
my playful are fake
my cheerful are fake
i just wanna stay quiet and vanished totally!
i dun wish to hold that stupid smiles on me anymore
i dun wish to act anymore
i just want to be myself
can i?
i noe i cant!
YEs! i told eu before im having depression.
but surprisingly,
none believe me,
and actually said im joking or think too much
den..
after i told eu my story
Thats when eu believe im having depression
im really zou huo ru mo!
and eu are shocked!
isnt it true?
where are eu when i need a helping hand?
where are eu when i asked for a listening ear?
i tried to tell eu
but the outcome isnt wad i want
den..
eu came..
and asked me
i told eu my story
and thats when i find myself more relieved!
and eu are actually so worried n helping me to solve it.
eu are indeed a good friend!
maybe thats what we called
Bu Da Bu Xiang Si
thats how we know each other better n treasuring each other so much now
isnt it?
are we wasting too much time?
how long have we not treasuring?
seriously i can understand how eu are feeling!
its miserable i noe!
I can totally understand how eu feel!
i experience before.
but what can i do to help?
but dun eu find urself too much?
when i was undergoing that miserable period
had anyone ask how am i?
had anyone give me a helping hand?
NO !
i was breaking down
but hu was there to help?
seriously
NO ONE!
im not blaming eu
im still willing to help
its just that my heart isnt balance anymore
now eu came complaining to me
den when i need a hand
eu are over there happily enjoying
isnt this abit funny?
have eu started donate money to Sichuan?
Do it now !
it save lives!
THEY NEED UR CARE !
am i too much?
Our friends at Sichuan are so miserable fighting for their lives
and im over here dealing with my feelings
YYY
im lOving iiu .
8:19 PM
Saturday, May 17, 2008
i've work in GateWay Hotel for half a month le.
so happy over there man!
i enjoyed myself!
the staff there is damn funny n friendly lahhs.
sometimes after work oso dun bear to leave siahhs
having those friends really did brighten up my worrys in work lahhs
Joker Kent
Lamer Chi Ho
Strict Eric
Funny Wardah
Cute Serena
KPO Kelly
Sleepy Lester
Patient Cash
Cheeky Lip Teng
irritating Alex
I hate eu to the core!
I HATE eu for ruining my life
i hate eu for bringing me to paradise n pushing me to hell
but after all
i still LOVE eu!
why?!
i dun understand!
eu makes me feel im dirty
eu makes me feel im cheap
eu makes me feel im disgusting
but i still LOVE eu!
Why?!
i just dun understand!
abortion or give birth?
eu dun wan to acknowledge the child
eu asked for abortion
eu say eu wont force
but the words eu said had showed that eu wan an abortion!
im disappointed in eu thoroughly!
there's no point talking so much!
i wish eu cud get lOst.
but i cant bear too!
i just LOVE eu too much!
what's wrong with me!
where is the past strong me?
where is the independent me?
where is the brave me?
where is the cheerful me?
im finding myself!
im glad eu decided to stop.
den i have no need to tell eu the truth.
get on with ur days happily
God bless!
YYY
im lOving iiu .
12:49 AM
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
can everyone please stop telling me
at least im the one he stays his LOVE
longer than the past
at least im the one he love the most?!
This kind of things cant be compared alrights!
Does it mean i decide to rely on him is
just for the sake of 'at least winning' his past gal?!
NO! NOT AT ALL !
the time we both put in
the effort we both put in
the goals we both had
the love we had for each other
the surprises we gave to each other
the feelings we had for each other
ALL came from our genius heart!
We makes the promise
to stay by each other
no matter what!
we decide to go on FOREVER!
it isnt smth to be happy about
when one of us had decide
to give up without looking back
it isnt something i shud be happy about
even if im better than his past gal!
That's not TRUE love!
There's no use comparing at all!
Every gal would wish to be
her partner's last gal!
Same goes to every Guy!
But which couple is able to do it?
its the TRUST and
COMMUNICATION
EVERY couple had to build in!
YYY
im lOving iiu .
10:26 PM
Monday, May 05, 2008
its confirmed! im having depression due to alot of things that had been happening around me.
i understand eu are not feeling any better too.
but PAINs cant be compared!
can eu understand?
its smth that cannot be compared.
we cant compared LOVE too!
everyone can choose the one they love.
but not everyone can get the one they love.
Yes! its true i dun trust eu that much anymore.
but i do listen and think!
i noe wad eu had done for me,
i noe i wud always said 'no one ask eu to do ah'
but thats not wad my heart wanna said.
im just lost of words.
i dunno how to say nice words to eu
that is why i chosen to say harsh words to eu
ill do as eu said,
wont ask eu anything
wont ask eu out
and ill SOLVE everything by MYSELF!
eu are right in saying this too.
i've been bringing too much trouble to everyone
and i guess everyone is tired of giving me a hand too
ill not ask for anyone's help anymore!
i believe im able to do it!
is this coincidence or fate?
i dunno!
i told myself i shud stop thinking.
stop hoping
but all around me makes me messy once again
today is my off day! Yipees~
i've start working!
shud say i've grown up le bahhs.
Yeahhs~
im able to support myself.
must save money for my future too!
but i guess the rotating shift is quite tough for me lahhs.
cuss it takes me 1 and a half hour from my house to my working place.
somemore i've to admit nearby my working place is Geylang and its really DANGEROUS !
they will get mistaken that the gals there are prostitute.
if im working night shift, i must be careful le lohhs.
anyway, nothing will happen too.
cuss if work long over there,
customers over there will noe 'im there to work!'
shud be no problem yea?
God Bless!
tmr i've to wake up at 4.30am for my morning shift at 7am. Oh my! Nights!
every 痛 makes me PAIN once!
想念是会呼吸的痛
它活在我身上所有角落
哼你爱的歌会痛
看你的信会痛连沉默也痛
遗憾是会呼吸的痛
它流在血液中来回滚动
后悔不贴心会痛
恨不懂你会痛
想见不能见最痛
你回来那就好了
能重来那就好了
YYY
im lOving iiu .
9:30 PM
Thursday, May 01, 2008
i dun undderstand why?
have i turn into a rock?
or im just too heartless?
i just dun feel anything!
i just want to do it my own way.
am i doing the right things?
after doing it, izzit the outcome that i want?
after doing it, do i feel any better?
at least i noe what type of person is him.
but im not any better than him.
Yes!
im trying
im hoping
im giving it a one last try
but...
shud i still continue? i dunno!
am i too foolish?
or... ?
im LOST ! seriously i dunno which step shud i go!
im scared of making a wrong step again.
it doesnt feel good at all!
not everything is under my control too, it just happened too suddenly
makes me really hard to believe!
sometimes i really do ask myself, am i under some mental problem?
am i getting depressed? am i too stress? am i ?
i cant find any answer either.
Everything that has happened around me makes me dunno hu shud i confide to.
izzit eu or eu or eu? i dunno!
sometimes when i confide to eu, i got the results i want.
sometimes i feel better to confide to another eu.
sometimes i feel that it wud be better to confide eu as eu are more experience in this.
Yes! its true that i shud solve it myself!
i must pull myself out of the circle n not continue to turn inside.
its true that being with eu i did pull out, but i just cant help going in again
post again the next time when i have time. going to do my mask. Nights to everyone!
Happy Birthday To Xiu Min!
YYY
im lOving iiu .
12:37 AM
