Monday, January 28, 2008
i've been trying hard to endure all this months. trying hard to give in n accepting but in the end what did i get? there is still hurts going on. i didnt blame him at all!! seriously i DO love him. but what he has done for me? did i get the happiness i want? his answer to eu ' den what eu want me to do?' makes me feel like im in the wrong AGAIN !!! i would start to ask myself, where did i go wrong? eu all always ask me to think of something happy! YES! i did! i really do think of something happy. but can this 'something happy' hold me for the rest of my days? at least now i noe... being alone sitting in the bus is also a good way to relieve my pain. although there might be pains too... but ill be able to pull through!! if ONE day i do fall... please give me a hand.
seeing eu post that photo of us makes me feel so sweet! thanks ahhbann! its true that keeping myself away from eu all im feeling better. at least i wont think too much. im not playing mia n keeping quiet. i just feel that this problems doesnt involve anyone especially eu! ahh bann! it doesnt involve eu! i dun wan becos of my problem makes the both of eu quarrel again n giving bad impression of him. keeping silent is better for both parties. i noe eu would say it wont helps any better. but for now.. i really wish to be in peace. i really wish to stay away from anything! i dun wan any pain to come in le. im keeping myself freeze for some time. for sometime only ahh bann. let me be bahhs.
eu are not useless! believe me! eu may think eu cant help. but actually eu did help me alot! at least eu would tell me 'if im in ur shoes.... ... etc" laidat im okaees le. at least i noe im not thinking too much. i cant tell eu whether eu are doing the right thing. but i noe if i were in ur shoes, i would be like eu too! as long as eu tell me ' I WILL BE THERE', thats enuff for me le.
say truely, actually im not that good either. i didnt really protect eu from guys n pains too. im only there with eu giving eye of assurance that "IM HERE!" thats all my dear!
dun worry bout me dear. although im fighting my own battle, maybe in a wrong way, but thinking of eu really makes me feel xing fu le! i really thanks GOD for sending eu to me! im not as cheerful as before, i noe! but in front of my siblings, i do bring a strong face! dun worry!
after hearing so many of the consolation n reading books. maybe for other gals may find me stupid! in the past, i noe very clearly i wont be like this too. but after i met him... he change my life thoroughly! he messed up my life giving me no choice to walk. after so many so many.. my answer is ' I DUN WANNA LOSE HIM'.i noe im making myself miserable.
eu may say im stupid! eu may say im not worthy! for anything eu say, i still choose to go on! i promise him before no matter wad i wont leave him! n this is for sure! i noe i love him alOtts. he didnt even give me the space to breathe. i dunno if im doing the right decision. just tell me ' EU WOULD BE THERE!'
ill pull through! ill stay strong!
YYY
im lOving iiu .
2:13 AM
